Paper Dolls
by AymberPoet
Summary: Kurt and Blaine's love may seem invincible but as we all know it's not always love, but pain that makes you stronger. Warnings: Mpreg.
1. Chapter 1

**This story started out as my attempt at something smutty and plotless and it just turned into this by accident but I hope you enjoy :)**

**Disclaimer: Don't own these characters, lets thank Ryan Murphy for that.**

"Urgh," I pulled up my cream turtleneck annoyed after inspecting the purple and yellow bruising that cascaded from mid neck to collarbone, but once everything was neat I pulled it down again and couldn't help but smile. My boyfriend gave me that. My _sexy, beautiful boyfriend._ Who wanted **me.**

I rested back on the wide windowsill and waited for Mercedes to come and fetch me from my hiding place in the McKinley High girls' bathroom, which was the only place in the school, that no one would bother me. My phone vibrated and pulling it out found a text from the aforementioned boyfriend.

_Hey baby, I miss you already - especially after this weekend ;) – B_

My hand went to my neck automatically and I knew I was blushing but it didn't matter, at least the blood was in my head and not my tail which was pretty surprising considering what kind of weekend we had. Memories of Blaine's hands all over me, his hot body pressed onto mine, his lips on my skin, him inside me…

_I know, a whole night apart! Oh you're making me blush. – K_

I had just pressed send when Mercedes walked in went to the mirror and pushed the small Freshmen I hadn't noticed before out the way by just looking at her. She started babbling about her stressful morning and smoothing her crazy hair down and starting on her make-up; Mercedes parents were very Christian and they didn't approve of her 'pimping' herself up with make-up and what not so this was our morning ritual.

"Are you even listening to me white boy?" She snapped and eyed me in the mirror and I couldn't help but blush because my thoughts were far from sharable.

"Of course I'm listening!" I quipped back, "just slightly tired, that's all…" She looked at me curiously until a grin spread across her face.

"You're filthy Kurt Hummel!" I opened my mouth to protest but all I could do was smile inanely, "oh my God, details, now!"

* * *

><p>The week passed too slowly for my liking, especially since I had finally owned up that Blaine and I were having sex and Mercedes had once again proved herself incapable of keeping a secret. I wasn't seeing Blaine again until Saturday and normally that would be OK but Santana and Brittany had absolutely no qualms about getting into <em>details<em>.

_"So he is a midget all over?" "I bet he took you from behind didn't he?" "I wouldn't be surprised if you don't have a gag reflex." "Do you make dolphin noises?" (Oh Brit 3)_

Thursday morning I woke up with an insatiable feeling in my gut, the same kind I used to get when I started being intimate with Blaine but wouldn't masturbate because, well it used to make me uncomfortable to be honest. I started pushing our boundaries too much and eventually we had to have one of the most awkward conversations of my life (along with the 'talk' with my Dad, oh GOD.)

_"Kurt we're not having sex," Blaine said firmly as I attempt to get my hand in his pants.  
>"Oh come on," I whined, I was so hard, "I need to fuck you." I slapped my hand over my mouth as soon as I said it, "oh God I'm so sorry!" He laughed that adorable laugh and I realised I completely meant what I had just said and tried again but was once again stopped.<br>"Look I know you're frustrated but Kurt we're not having sex because you won't touch yourself OK?" I nodded but I was humiliated that he had just said that. "We'll just regret it and it will be over in 30 seconds since you're wound tighter than a fucking clock," why does Blaine swearing turn me on so much?  
>"What are we going to do?" I cried out still so embarrassed at how hard I was and how firmly I was being rejected.<br>"No, it's what _you _are_ _going to do," I arched an eyebrow, "Kurt play with yourself." Blaine said looking me straight in the eyes with a deep lust.  
>"Wh-what? No! I can't…"<br>"Right now, here, for me, do it," and for some reason under his honey hazel eyes, the slight smirk he was wearing, the way he leaned in and his breath was hot on my neck. I had to do it._

I rested my head on my locker, it was only 3rd period and I was sure I was going to die; what's wrong with me! I'd cum 4 times already today and yet my lower abdomen was tight and full of those fuzzy feelings that I normally got when Blaine was kissing the base of my neck or my ribcage. "Damn!" I slammed my locker door closed and immediately regretted it.

"What's up with lady-boy today?" The familiar voice was not something I wanted to deal with today.

"Leave me alone Dave," I huffed and tried to storm past him but he caught me harshly.

"Hey you don't tell me what to do got it!" He pulled me in closer and our chests met and I felt just how toned the jock was and- "What the fuck?" He pushed me but only after a few seconds, he _enjoyed_ it. "Am I turning you on, you fucking fag!" He slammed me into the locker bank and I sat on the floor for a while, not able to stand up without everyone knowing exactly what he was talking about so I just waited for someone to come and find me.

"Kurt?" _Oh fuck no_.

"Rachel I'm not really in the mood," I said bluntly not looking up at the girl.

"You know you're supposed to be in class right?" Her voice was grating and I could feel her big brown eyes judging me.

"I know…" I pulled my knees further into my chest, my 'problem' had faded but I still felt humiliated and worried about Karfosky – Did he think he was because of him?

"What's wrong? You know I've been told I'm an amazing ear for listening, I can really see the root of the problem and I mean it's probably because well I'm not as perfect as everybody thinks that I am-"

"'KarofskyfeltmyerectioandnnowI'mreallyscared." Rachel looked at me for a few seconds before sitting down next to me.

"Why did you- Um- You know?"

"I'm not seeing Blaine until Saturday and-" I blushed deeply.

"You're letting your thoughts get the best of you?"

"Mhm… Do you think he'll do anything?"

"Dave? I don't know…" She looked at the floor thoughtfully, "he wouldn't do anything like that would he?" I shrugged helplessly, would he? If he thought I had feelings for him back then maybe he would push himself upon me and there would be absolutely nothing I could do to stop him. "Don't worry Kurt, we won't let anyone hurt you OK? I'll get Puck or Finn to talk to him and make sure he doesn't have anything planned." I hugged her and we went to class making up some 'I-was-feeling-queasy-but-I'm-miraculously-better-now' excuse but in fact I did feel queasy.

* * *

><p>"BLAINE ANDERSON COME BACK HERE!" I shouted at the empty chair that was placed in his Dalton dorm, he had clothes poking out from the corner of the screen telling me he had cleaned up the parameter I would see but no more and it was annoying me that I couldn't do anything about the mess.<p>

"I'm sorry my princess, just…" He glanced off screen almost nervously, "DAVID FUCK OFF!"

"Why are you so wound up?" I said brightly, I didn't want Blaine to know anything was wrong, he didn't need to know about Karfosky and anyways, I just wanted to have some fun tonight.

"No reason," he lied badly, "oh fine it's just I had a text from a certain Rachel Berry telling me that you have been having naughty thoughts, about me, at school?" I don't know how Blaine managed to look so seductive but he did, his bushy eyebrows were raised slightly and he was wearing one of those tight V-necks…

"Well not necessarily _at school_," I began feeling flushed, "just well, it's like before."

"Before…?"

"When I wouldn't, you know, _touch myself," _I whispered the last bit because I don't know who would barge in but Blaine didn't look mocking at all, he understood I wasn't so comfortable with sex.

"Have you-"

"YES LIKE SIX TIMES TODAY BUT I JUST NEED MORE AND I DON'T KNOW AND I'M SO FRUSTRATED!" I shouted at him running my hands through my hair not even caring anymore, my whole body was in a constant state of restlessness and I had tried drawing or planning outfits or doing work but I couldn't concentrate properly. Blaine didn't answer for a while he just sat looking at me with those beautiful eyes when he suddenly smiled.

"Didn't Santana get you a _special _present for your birthday?"

"Wha- Oh," my eyes went to my wardrobe, in the back corner was a box with a bag in it with another box in it and in that box- "What are you thinking?"

"A little show," he sounded so calm but my heart was pounding angrily already, "you can hear and see me and feel something, _in _you… I know it's not the same and um, if you think it's weird," he was blushing and rubbing his neck in the way he did when he thought he was being judged.

"Oh my God this is one of your kinks isn't it!" I remembered a vague conversation were Blaine had implied he wanted to try some _unusual _things.

"Well what if it is?"

**Got the title from Paper Dolls - Kill Hannah, so check them out if you want :)**


	2. Chapter 2

I was in my wardrobe fishing out the box from its hidden, dusty corner; my heart was in my throat and my hands were shaking slightly but I was also quite excited. This was something Blaine wanted me to do, he had that look that told me even the thought was doing things to him and who was I to deny him that?

In the box inside the bag inside the box was Santana's present for me, something from the sex shop down in Lima Heights (which I really wouldn't trust if I was her) but I hadn't looked at it since the mortifying moment she gave it to me in front of Mr. Schue. I finally took my time to examine it, Blaine had said to think about it and he would occupy himself until I decided on if I was really going to do it. The toy was bright blue, heavily ribbed and when I held it in a fist it seemed smaller than Blaine but that couldn't be right it looked _massive?_ I flipped it over but didn't find any buttons so dipped back into the bag and pulled out a switch and some instructions.

_5 Levels of pleasure. _Oh GOD. I sighed and stood up from among my clothes to go and talk to Blaine when something thudded onto the ground, a grabbed a small bottle from the floor; lube. Thank you Santana Lopez! I found Blaine writing on a pad with his feet up on the desk when I sat down and watched him for a few seconds before he raised a messy eyebrow that told me he was aware of my presence.

"Well?"

"Well what?" I said shortly, my hands turning the toy over in my lap nervously.

"Are you going to? I mean I'm not pressuring you Kurt, if you're not comfortable with this then it's nothing OK?" I nodded and brought the toy into view, Blaine moaned out loud before biting his lips shut. _Did you just hear that!_

"It's massive!" I cried, "it's like 3 inches wide!" Blaine laughed softly and I couldn't help but blush.

"Yeah that's about right, you've taken that before, well more…" He trailed off at my face.

"WHEN!"

"Umm," he held up his hand and waggled his fingers and I blushed so furiously I thought I was going to pass out; no way had I forgotten about that I just never _thought_ about it in measurements before… "You couldn't walk the next day," he giggled looking at his hand again and I knew exactly what this weekend would hold for me.

"OK… I'll do it."

"Seriously?" I nodded and stood up then sat down and then perched on the edge of the seat.

"What do I do now?" This was so awkward.

"I'll tell you what to do if you promise to do it?" there was a shake in Blaine's voice that told me he was on the edge all ready.

"Anything you want," I said suddenly, hearing Blaine like that brought something out in me and I just wanted to please him; anyways this wasn't the time for embarrassment.

"Oh God Kurt I'm not going to last," his laugh was light and thick at the same time, "strip."

I stood up and pushed the computer back so it showed my whole body and started popping the buttons on my waistcoat as slowly as I could, all the time keeping eye contact with Blaine. I let the items that came off my body stay where they fell on the floor, it would so kill the mood to tidy up mid-strip but it was hard, this is one of my favourite outfits. I was wearing a loose grey jersey jumper that I could only slip over my head and it got stuck and I blushed but when I saw Blaine again he looked like he could barely breathe. I ran my hands over the place his love-bite was and showed him up-close.

"Oh I'm good, I can't wait to give them to you in _other _places." I smiled softly and noticed that his eyes were still watching my hands as they rubbed my chest and dipped to my perked nipples, I forgot that I was touching myself and gasped at the sudden pleasure. My fingers ran teasingly down my toned stomach, I had the slightest blonde snail trail and followed it down to the waist of my sinfully tight jeans (which I bought a size too small for Blaine's pleasure but I would never actually admit that.)

"Tell me what you want," I whispered almost too quiet for him to hear.

"Take it all off, _now._" I loved Blaine being dominating; he topped when we had sex so I had never thought about it before but he was more controlling than just being in control. Does that make me one of those people that wears gags and nipple clamps and- KURT STAY FOCUSED!

I teasingly unzipped myself and looked at Blaine as seductively as I could, he was leaning forward, his hands clasped together in what I assume was a desperate attempt not to touch himself. I on the other hand, not paying attention brushed my own erection and a moan escaped before I could do anything and I heard Blaine bang on his desk.

"Come on Kurt!" He growled so I started to shimmy out my jeans, normally I would desperately tug and rip them off but I had to figure out how to get them off and look sexy….

"They're not coming off!" My voice sounded so desperately panicked, I don't know how he kept a straight face watching me.

"I can see that, try this; turn around and hook the back and pull?" I had been trying so far by pulling the hips and front so it couldn't hurt to do it Blaine's way, even if he did just wanted to stare at my ass. The jeans started to fall off and I kicked them away with a whimper at how I was treating my beautiful clothes. "Much better!" I was standing in tight short boxers, I didn't do those god-awful Y-fronts and boxers didn't work with jeans that tight. I had massive erection, which I just wanted to grab but I knew there was something much better coming if I waited. My fingers ran lazily over my body as he just watched me speechlessly.

"Take your top off," I said, "come on, I want to see _you_." He smiled and pulled the shirt off in one smooth movement; as soon as I saw him sitting there, toned and tanned and so manly I just had to reach down.

"Oh no Kurt," he whispered, "you need to… last…" I had my hand wrapped round my length and was in mid-pump; I was going to cry. "Take off your underwear," I did so, "shit Kurt, oh" he banged his head on the desk and then started to drum it desperately. "Don't touch yourself OK?"

"But-"

"Trust me, if you last long enough you'll thank me way more," he smiled sincerely; I loved how he could be so lustful and sweet at the same time. "I want you to-" He sighed shakily, "I want you to finger yourself." Just hearing him say it made my dick twitch and I'm sure he noticed because his hands dipped under the desk until I gave him a look, I wanted him to be begging for release. I picked up the bottle of lube but then had a better idea I brought my fingers to my mouth and sucked on one until it was coated with saliva. I bent over but paused and glanced up at Blaine, his eyes were alight with lust and I knew I couldn't pause; I couldn't back out so I pushed onto myself.

"Oh shit," I hissed, I never swore except for sex, "oh fuck Blaine," _that hurt, oh my God that hurt._ I could hear Blaine breathing heavily and after a few moments the pain subsided and I wiggled my finger trying to get used to the feeling, why was this so different from when Blaine did it to me?

"Oh God yes Kurt, fuck yourself," I wanted to laugh as he growled at me but instead found myself grabbing the small bottle (I don't care if it's less sexy, that fucking hurt!) And slipped in another finger, well not quite, it was a lot easier but Jesus it still hurt like a bitch.

"Kurt, move yourself!" Blaine barked in his raspy voice, I glanced up and winked before moving, fucking myself and moaning as loudly as could, my knees shook slightly and I held onto my chair for my damn life.

"Blaaineeeee," I whined, I could barely speak as I found that spot and well, once you find it you couldn't not touch it! "I'm going to- FUCK!"

"Stop." I did and fell onto the floor. "Kurt?"

"Mhhmm…" I said from under the desk, I picked up the vibrator, why did I feel so shitty right now? I couldn't stand and all I had done was finger myself, the way I always do when I'm away from Blaine, the way he always does when he's with me?

"Kurt, are you OK?" Blaine's face was blurry but not because of the computer, and suddenly I grabbed my bin and threw up in it, what the fuck? "Oh my God!"

"I'm fine-" Another wave of nausea hit me and it didn't go away until I was reduced to a weeping, shaking mess on the floor while Blaine listened from the computer. "Hey," I smiled at his shocked face, "sorry I'm so unsexy…"

"Oh God Kurt, you're hilarious," we both laughed, "are you OK?"

"Yeah I don't know what happened… I'm gonna have a shower and stuff…" I stood up realising I was completely naked but I couldn't be embarrassed because I needed to be sick again and just had time to log off Skype before running to the bathroom. I sat under the hot water holding my stomach and felt like passing the fuck out.


	3. Chapter 3

"Kurt you're going to be late for school!" My Dad bellowed down the stairs for the third time this morning as I sat next to the toilet feeling like absolute death for the billionth time in the last two weeks. Every morning from 5am onwards I would be rendered helpless as my stomach emptied everything I had eaten and when I had nothing else to give it would keep me heaving until there was barely time to brush my teeth let alone sort out how god-awful I looked. I stumbled upstairs after a pathetic attempt at cleaning myself up and walked into the kitchen where the smell of Finn's pancakes still hung in the air; **do not throw up, do not throw up**. I had stayed home for 3 days after I started throwing up but soon found that I could function well enough after 11 without any problems and I mean it can't last forever right? "Hey bud you OK?"

"Yeah Dad I'm great," my Dad looked at me like you-are-the-worst-liar-ever-but-I-won't-push-it, "Finn ready?" I hadn't seen my lumbering stepbrother, or even heard him this morning, which was pretty weird.

"He left ages ago, went to pick up Rachel," _goddamn_ I wanted him to drive me, driving hadn't been so successful this week… Oh well. "Hey Kurt!"

"Yes Dad?" I had the fakest smile plastered on my face.

"Remember I won't be mad if you ever need to tell me something…" My Dad looked uncomfortable and so worried, I hugged him tightly to say everything was OK and grabbed some fruit so settle his mind even though I knew I wouldn't be eating it.

"Kurt, Kurt!" Mr. Schue snapped his fingers and I jolted, "you alright?"

"Of course, just tired you know…" I smiled pathetically and Mercedes put a hand on my shoulder, she had been looking after me so well these last couple weeks and I was starting to feel guilty, why was I so ill?

"If you're still ill I think you should go to the doctors, I mean what's the harm?" She whispered as Mr. Schue continued talking about some crappy song with even crappier choreography, though saying that at least it wasn't like last Wednesday when the Cheerios got us to perform Rihanna's 'Who's That Chick' and I threw up after just 30 seconds of the vigorous dancing.

"Urgh I hate doctors 'Cedes!" She rolled her eyes at me; "fine I'll go at the weekend if I'm still ill OK?" I didn't want to go, I'll just tell her I went… But what if something is wrong? Blaine told me to go last weekend and my Dad wanted me to go the weekend I got sick; urgh it's nothing. You know I bet it's just nerves, I mean regional's is soon and I was still waiting for a surprise Karofsky attack; in fact I had barely seen Dave since our little incident and despite reassurance from Puck, Finn and Sam that he seemed fine I wasn't buying it and it was making me edgy.

_Wanna come over Friday night? – B_

_Sure thing, might not make the drive over though lol - K_

_Still sick? – B_

_Like a freaking dog – K_

_I'm worried; please let me take you to the doctors? – B_

_I'll go, tomorrow, I promise. I can't take this anymore – K_

I hated the doctors. I hated hospitals. I hated anything medical-like. So sitting alone in the waiting room I couldn't help but be jittery as I leafed through a dog-eared, 5-month-old OK USA magazine while coughing people sat around me. The germaphobe in me was silently crying but it also knew I couldn't take one more day curled around the toilet bowl or looking like I was really hung over; I mean my skin was practically grey now and I was staring to break out for the first time since I was 13.

"Could Mr. Hummel come through?" A tall lady with deep, dark red hair smiled at me as I followed her through to her office suddenly feeling so nervous, what was I going to say? "So what seems to be the problem today?"

"Urgh well for the last couple weeks I've urm," I flipped my phone over in my hands, "uhm well I've had morning sickness..."

"Alright, what sort of times?" And it continued from there, she took notes and asked a bunch of questions, I had my blood pressure taken and then she felt my stomach. "Oh it's pretty hard, slightly swollen…" I wasn't even listening, I hated this part why couldn't they just say what was WRONG with me?

"Urgh yeah, barely getting in my favourite pair of jeans," why did I say that?

"Have you had weight gain then?" Her voice was hitched with surprise and something else that was like concern but I wasn't sure.

"Hmm… I guess so which is weird because I'm barely eating anything or keeping it down more like," she frowned and sat back at her computer and my heart jolted into my throat.

"Do you mind if we do a blood test?" I swallowed, I wasn't afraid of needles like Blaine but I didn't really _like_ blood…. "I mean I don't think you have a stomach virus because it would have subsided by now and well this will just help us along," I hated that tone, it was the same they used with my Mom.

"Right now?"

"Sure."

* * *

><p>Two days later I <em>did <em>make it to Blaine's without throwing up but that was probably because the doctor gave me anti-nausea tablet that were like gifts from heaven. I could actually moisturise in the mornings!

"How was the doctor's?" Blaine said as soon as I stepped through the door.

"Fine, blood test results will be back on Monday and I got some pills so no more puking!" I kissed him softly.

"Good because I'm desperate for you right now." We hadn't had sex since our failed attempt at Skype sex because each time I just couldn't do it, we had happily done other things but I just couldn't take anything being _in _me. Right now I knew Blaine was so hungry to fuck something nothing would stand in his way and I was on all fours, ass in the air before I could comprehend what had happened.

"Just go for it," I growled as I felt his fingers, cold and wet at my entrance.

"What?"

"Well if you want to get your cock in my I suggest that-" I didn't even finish and I felt it, my head rushed with blood and my eyes rolled back into my head with the pleasurable pain. "Oh yess," I hissed as he pushed deeper, I felt the familiar feeling creeping up on me but now he was in I just wanted him to move. Blaine hungry for sex was an amazing and scary sight, he was slow and deep, so fucking deep; our skin slapped with each agonizing thrust and he just seemed to get slower.

"Beg." Now Blaine's dominating kink had been addressed he wasn't as reserved as he used to be_._

"Faster, please oh please Blaine, fuck me faster, harder, deeper, anything!" I just wanted him to cum before I had to stop and I was already feeling shaky. I buried my head in the pillow underneath me in a complete mixture of pleasure and pain, Blaine inside me was one of the best feelings I knew and I was so hard but my whole body was tensed with something else like when he first used three fingers and I cried. It was like he wasn't _supposed _to be there and I needed to get him out; that ridiculous Kurt, just keep moaning.

"Oh God cum in me Blaine," I growled knowing that it was a cheap shot and that he would cum at those words but I needed him to, I needed him out of me but I couldn't before he released.

I felt so guilty as I called out his name and he came whimpering and panting, I should have been desperately willing myself to last with him, I should have been touching myself and falling to pieces under him but something was wrong and I just didn't know what. He rolled over and when he found my hard-on frowned in confusion but took it upon himself to stroke me off the edge, it only took a few moments before he dipped his mouth to my head and swallowed my load but the orgasm did nothing for me. I snuggled into his chest and couldn't stop myself crying, fat tears rolled down my cheeks and down his skin and he had no idea as held me into his heart.

"Kurt," he spoke softly like he was afraid of scaring me, "I know you're crying. Did I hurt you?" He tipped up my chin so I could look him in those golden eyes, which were heavily laced with brown in his post-climax come down.

"No…"

"You're lying."

"I'm not lying… It didn't hurt it just doesn't feel right?" I felt like an awful person saying it out loud and by the way he tensed under me I knew he was taking my words badly too.

"What do you mean?" He was trying to sound calm.

"I mean like… I don't know, it felt good, _so good_ but it was like my body couldn't handle it, like there wasn't any room for you?" God I sounded like such a freak but Blaine's eyes were kind when I found them again and he just stroked my face.

"I have pushed you a lot," my heart sunk, why was he so quick to blame himself? "I just want you to be OK."

* * *

><p>"DAD I'M HEADING OUT!" I called through the house, before slamming the door with more force than I meant to but I was agitated, I was going to the doctors to get my results and I was at the end of my patience. I stopped taking the pills and I threw up again. I was feeling so tired despite having a pretty easy day at school and guilt was eating me up because I couldn't enjoy sex with my boyfriend; this just freaking sucks.<p>

"Dr Straud will see you now," the receptionist said as soon as I checked in which was surprising but I didn't think too much of it as I walked to the office, I just wondered who thought yellow-tinted lights were _ever _a good idea.

"Ah Kurt have a seat," Dr. Straud smiled brightly but I knew better than to believe it.

"Can we just cut to the chase?" I said as soon as I settled in the seat opposite the older woman.

"Of course, I can tell you're uncomfortable in these surroundings but unfortunately this might take a while…" She was sorting papers and typing on her computer and not making eye contact as she spoke.

"Right..." Should I have brought someone? Should I have told my Dad that I went to the doctors in the first place?

"Urm Kurt I really don't know how to tell you this because, well you probably won't believe me, in fact I can barely believe it myself," she looked at me now she had composed herself. "Just one question first?" I nodded. "Are you sexually active?" I nodded again now getting nervous.

"Please just tell me, is there something I should warn my boyfriend about because I was virgin and I know he wasn't but he assured me that-"

"Calm down Kurt, it's nothing… Urh well it _is _serious and you will want to talk to him but it's not an STD or STI."

"Then what is it?" My throat tightened impossibly as her green eyes finally found mine with some sort of conviction in them.

"You appear to be pregnant."


	4. Chapter 4

"Kurt?" Dr. Straud asked me for the hundredth time as I just sat there staring at the wall behind her, "it's going to be OK."

"OK? How is this going to be OK?"

"Look this can be managed and there a more cases than you'd expect but in heterosexual men of course it would never… Come to light as it were-"

"Well this has obviously!" I snapped, "what am I supposed to do?" She looked at me sadly with her deep green eyes and I just started crying, she didn't know what to say apart from the medical side of things, which she explained calmly and carefully.

"Child birth is more complicated but we'll know more further into the pre-"

"Further?" I squeaked, "I'm seventeen! I'm a _junior_! I've only been with my boyfriend for a couple months…" I blushed furiously as I just admitted that we'd pretty much jumped into bed with each, "I mean there was a lot of build up, we're not you know, you know…"

"I'm not judging you Kurt," her voice was cool but it didn't calm me, "I can't help you decide what to do but I can help you when you come to a decision."

"What if," my voice cracked slightly, "what if I don't want it?"

"Then that is your choice but Kurt," she leaned forward, "I would suggest really thinking about this, talk to your parents, your partner, don't rush this and don't think you're alone." I nodded and thanked her, taking the folder full of papers, explanations, doctors' names and everything else to help calm me but it didn't. I felt so awful, I felt so alone and I just wanted the world to eat me up.

* * *

><p>Regional's was next week and I didn't have time to be taking my eye off the ball for even a second, I was trying to write a song but I didn't give in anything, I didn't want to put anyone through another 'hair band' experience. Blaine was at sport training and Warbler practice every night so we didn't have much time to talk and I was glad, I had told him all the tests had been negative and thankfully my morning sickness faded out over the next week. Apparently I was seven weeks and that meant; mood swings. Like I didn't have them already! I tried to sit quietly in all my classes so not to get worked up about anything but end of the year was about two weeks away so no one was doing any work and I've already cried at four movies and it's Tuesday.<p>

"So you and posh-boy still going at it like little gay rabbits?" Santana asked casually across the choir room. "I thought they were dolphins?" Brittany interjected but we both ignored her.

"Shut up Santana," I snapped back.

"Touch a nerve there princess?" I took a deep breath, I could feel myself getting angry and she hadn't meant it like that but why was she so _fucking_ annoying!

"No you're just insufferably _nosy _so get the fuck out of my business," everyone gasped as I swore, I looked up to her and the Latina girl was just as shocked. "Whoa just because he won't screw you don't take it out on me!"

"Are you saying he doesn't want to have sex with me?" I exclaimed suddenly and then thought about it… What if he doesn't? Then I started to cry.

"Holy shit Kurt!" Santana cried and then as Mr. Schue walked in, "it wasn't me, I didn't mean to!" He glared at her and then back at me, no one ever believed that Santana didn't do it.

"Kurt?" Mr. Schue was all up in my face and it was making me nervous.

"I'm fine!" I sat quietly until we rehearsed and I tried giving it all I had but I really didn't have much to give, I just wanted a nice hot bath with jasmine…

"Hey Hummel what's up with the pregnancy moods," Quinn laughed from her locker opposite mine.

"What? I'm not, why would you? Did someone say something?" She gave me the weirdest look.

"Urm… No? It was a joke Kurt; boys can't _get _pregnant so-" Oh for fuck's sake I was crying again, "what's wrong? You know that's not what Santana meant!"

"How did you decide to keep Beth?" Quinn looked shocked at the question and then curious but answered me.

"I just knew that I couldn't let her go," she smiled fondly.

"Didn't you talk anyone first?"

"Well no, but it wouldn't have changed anything. I couldn't bring myself to kill her, I wouldn't have understood if anyone asked me too; any stick I got because of her couldn't be worse than the feeling I would have had to carry around by _not _having her y'know?" I nodded and I knew she didn't quite understand why I was asking this but I wouldn't unless it was important so she didn't press the matter.

"Thanks Quinn," I left school feeling more confused, I didn't feel _anything _for this baby; it didn't even feel real to me. – Does that make me a bad parent? When I got home I picked up my phone and found 6 texts, 2 missed calls, all from Blaine but I didn't read them or call him back I just ran the water and undressed. I examined my stomach in the full-length mirror, I wasn't showing at all but I thought I look bloated and my ab muscles had relaxed slightly. I ran a hand over the skin and tried to imagine having a bump, feeling the baby move, having Blaine hold me and I just couldn't.

"This isn't fair."

* * *

><p>"Hello again Kurt," Dr. Straud was <em>way <em>too happy all the time.

"Hi," I said pathetically sitting once again opposite her.

"Have you decided?" I shook my head, "not on anything? What did your boyfriend say?"

"I haven't told him…"

"Kurt you _need _to talk about this, are you feeling OK? Emotionally I mean?"

"Fine, mood swings are a bitch but-"

"No Kurt do you feel, stable?" I stared at her _stable_? Did I seem like I was unstable? Am I unstable? Don't cry just answer honestly.

"I don't think so… I think I'm OK, I mean I'm not feeling depressed just I get upset by stuff that's not even that sad but that's not depressed is it?"

"No, not at all, just it wouldn't be surprising if you felt a little, desperate, I just want to know that you're safe and that you're coping well enough," her green eyes weren't as friendly as the first time I had met her but that was probably because they had two layers of emotion to them and it kind of scared me.

"I don't feel anything…" I whispered, "for this… baby. Nothing. I don't even feel like its actually happening, it's like a dream but worse because I just don't feel _anything_. I don't want to tell Blaine because I'm scared he'll leave me and if I don't even really want it then that's just pointless? But then again what if he wants it and I don't? What if he's excited and happy about being a Dad and I-" I sobbed, "I just don't _feel _it?"

"Talk to him, trust me it will make everything so much better."

* * *

><p>I didn't talk to Blaine though, I left for New York on Thursday without seeing him in person and although I felt guilty (oh GOD so guilty) I knew that I couldn't look him in the eye without telling him and I needed to get my words straight, I needed to prepare myself for the worst. But what was the worst? Him saying he does or doesn't want it?<p>

"Oh Quinn you scared me," I was sitting in the late bar at the hotel with a plate of food in front of me when she touched me shoulder softly and sat down next to me. "What the hell are you eating?"

"Urmm…" I blushed furiously as I looked down at the food, "rice, nutella and gherkins." I wanted to cry.

"Shhh," she put her arms around me, "Kurt what's wrong? And don't say nothing because no one is believing it anymore."

"I can't do this anymore," I tried to swallow my tears but it was so hard, "I don't know what's going to happen to me," I wasn't making any sense but I just couldn't tell her.

"Because we didn't place at regional's? It's not the end Kurt, you're going places, you're going further than anyone else in, not just Glee, but the whole state; you're special." It was so strange hearing Quinn be so nice and supportive, we didn't normally talk and it was nice; she knew (sort of) what I'm going through.

"Quinn… I'm pregnant."

"What?" I just looked at my feet, "what? I mean… What?"

"I don't even know, there's a medical explanation but that doesn't help does it? That doesn't change the fact I'm a _boy _and I'm _pregnant_ and I'm so young!" I didn't even care what I was saying anymore, we were the only people in the bar and I felt so relieved saying this out loud.

"Wow… Just wow. How long have you known?"

"About 2 weeks, I'm 8 weeks along which is like nothing but my doctor keeps pressuring me to make a decision and I just can't."

"A decision about what?"

"If I'm keeping it…" Quinn's face dropped slightly, "I know how you feel but I don't feel like, I don't feel _anything_ Quinn! I don't feel connected to this baby, I don't feel like it's real, I don't feel like I'm going to be a Dad and that's just a sign I'm going to be a bad parent!"

"Look that's normal! So many people, especially young parents, don't know how they feel when they first find out. You're just feeling sick and eating shit food and you want to cry and laugh at the same time and nothing feels right, you're scared and everything is going to change no matter what you decide to do. Thing is Kurt you're doing the worst thing you can do, you're acting like you have to do this alone and you have so many people that love you and will support you. Please tell me you've talked to Blaine?" I shook my head.

"What if he wants the opposite to what I want?"

"Since when does fear or what other people want hold Kurt Hummel back from doing what he wants to do?"

* * *

><p>"Hey," Blaine kissed me deeply when I arrived at Starbucks in Westerville, "here's your coffee," he slid the grande non-fat mocha towards me and I gagged at the smell.<p>

"Urgh, maybe later… Thanks though," I added at his hurt puppy eyes.

"How are you? You guys so had that in the bag!" God he was so public school preppy that I could puke.

"I'm fine, you know I think it was good for us to place so badly, we have so much more to learn you know?"

"You're so smart," he was sitting with his head on his hand looking at me like I was the best thing he had ever seen, "I don't know how I'm so lucky to have you." "Blaine can we talk?" My heart jumped into my throat, my hand went to my stomach but it felt awkward. "I haven't been completely honest with you lately and I just can't lie to you anymore…" Blaine was sitting up straight now, his hands were clasped tightly and the love-struck look had gone from his beautiful eyes. "When I was sick and I told you the results were negative-"

"Kurt please tell me you're OK, please," he reached forward and grabbed my hands in his.

"I'm… not OK but I'm not sick or dying or anything like that," he frowned and his eyebrows practically knitted together.

"Blaine, I'm 8 weeks pregnant."

**Just wondering if the chapters are a bit short and I know I move around a lot but I like to include people and I love Quinn/Kurt (Qurt? Fabummel? Humbrey?) Friendship - which obviously makes sense in this story.**


	5. Chapter 5

"Blaine? Blaine please say something?" He was just sitting there, staring at me, no, through me and I was getting nervous.

"What… What am I supposed to say? This has to be a joke right?"

"Do I look like I'm joking?"

"Right, Kurt you're a _guy_-"

"For fucks sake Blaine! You don't think I'm confused as well! You think I'd be telling you this if it was a joke!" I was trying not to shout or start bawling but Blaine was just being such a _bitch_.

"OK, OK, I'm sorry Kurt can you just please explain?"

"Here," I pulled the folder out of my tote and pushed it across the table, "it's… weird. I don't really understand it but I don't think it matters, all that matters is Blaine is this really happening, I'm," my voice dropped as low as possible, "pregnant and I have to make a decision."

"Wait what?" He looked up from the papers that he was already flicking through, "what do you mean a 'decision'?"

"Well I'm not stupid, we're seventeen, we've been dating for a couple months and well, I mean it's not realistic to think that we're going to be forever-"

"I love you." I didn't know what to say, I just looked at him, he was looking at me again like I had just saved his life.

"I love you too," he giggled and walked over to me, kissing me again and dropping his hand to my expanding waist.

"We're going to get through this, I don't want to pressure you either way, I'll respect your decision," I nodded and I felt his hand press on my stomach, he wanted this baby.

"You want it don't you?" His hazel eyes shimmered slightly but he didn't reply, "please Blaine, I don't know what to do, I don't know if I want it but I don't know if I _don't _want it."

"I mean, it's our baby, a mini you and me. This isn't supposed to happen to us Kurt! This is a miracle-"

"One that we could repeat when we're _ready_," I felt heartless saying this, how was I so casually throwing away this child's life?

"I want this baby Kurt but I can't make you carry it, I can't make you go through with something that is so potentially dangerous and I can't make you give up your life for it. I will understand if you… Terminate." Tears flushed into my eyes at the words, "I just hope you know why you're doing this and not just because you're scared."

"Are you not scared?" I couldn't do more than whisper.

"Of course I am but you don't think of that, you think about watching you grow, about naming it, about decorating a nursery, about what it's going to look like and how they will sound…" He paused and when he looked up there were fresh tears on his cheeks, "oh God please Kurt, please, please don't kill our baby." My heart felt like it was going to explode; he was looking at like… well like I was about to kill his baby. Oh shit in hell.

"Just don't leave me OK? I can't do this without you and it's going to be horrible, I'm going to be bitchier than ever and I just hope you can put up with that."

"Of course I can, if you can do one thing for me?" I arched an eyebrow nervously, "tell your Dad."

* * *

><p>"Since when do you eat pop tarts?" Finn said shocked when he found me scarfing down his favourite breakfast treat, I froze like a deer caught in headlights and put the plate down with a clatter.<p>

"Urm you know, I've always wanted to try them…" Blaine snorted from the kitchen table where he was flicking through the newspaper with a bowl of lucky charms and his black coffee.

"Oh hey Blaine, you wanna watch the game with me later?" I rolled my eyes and sneaked another pop tart when Finn was distracted by sports talk, I loved that he got on with Blaine so well especially now he was going to be spending a lot more time here. He stayed over last night because he wanted to make sure I came clean to my Dad and discussed the options, I didn't know how my Dad would react and I was getting more and more nervous the longer I had to wait. I disappeared downstairs to get dressed, Blaine had this unnerving effect on me that made my usually compulsive need to be perfectly made up disappear with just a smile. When I trudged back upstairs I heard Blaine talking in the lounge and was about to go in when I heard my Dad's low voice reply and I knew that tone from a million miles away.

"I know you two are very close but I'm still not comfortable with you sharing a bed when you stay, that sounds naïve but Kurt is my _only_ son, I mean I love Finn to pieces don't get me wrong, but Kurt's my everything, and I don't want to see you take advantage of him, you know respect his boundaries." _Oh my God please tell me this is not happening._

"I know sir and yes, I have been… urm intimate with past partners but that doesn't affect how I treat Kurt, he's special… He's… perfect," Blaine's breathy confession was stirring up two feelings, one in my heart that made me giggle and one in my groin that made me blush heavily.

"Hey!" I called brightly making the two men jump and blush, "what are you guys talking about?"

"Um nothing, just you know being a responsible," my Dad said giving me his 'serious' face.

"Oh God there's nothing to worry about you know that," I smiled and curled into Blaine who was stiff in my arms.

"Actually that's a lie isn't it Kurt?" I sat up again staring at Blaine, _die, die, die, die, DIE._ My Dad was wearing a similar expression when I looked up at him desperately, he was trying to talk but he didn't know what to say. "Shall I?"

"No, no, I will but you just seem to have an overactive tongue today don't you?" I snapped and Blaine smirked, my Dad shifted uncomfortably when he realised the innuendo. "Dad, can I just remind you when I was sick and you said if I had anything to tell you you wouldn't be mad."

"You're not sick though? Are you? Oh God Kurt, Kurt no-"

"No Dad I'm not sick but there is something else… Something that you probably won't believe-"

"Can you just tell me already!" I had a sudden rush of overwhelming guilt, this must be so similar to Mom, wait what? I started crying and Blaine's warm hand ran over my shoulders but I just couldn't start talking again, "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry…"

"Anderson what the _fuck _have you done to my boy!"

"I… I… Um I just… It's…" I've never heard Blaine stutter like that, even when he came to pick me up for the first time and my Dad was cleaning his guns and asking him if he's fast. I didn't see what was happening because my face was in my hands as I desperately tried to stop crying but the tension, the future prospects, everything was weighing down on me and Blaine must have seen this. "Mr. Hummel Kurt is pregnant and I know that sounds impossible and ridiculous but it's true, we haven't been dating for long at all but I love him," he paused and the silence in the room was absolutely painful.

"Right, um, right, um… Get out," my head shot up in shock.

"What?"

"Get out of my house, now." Blaine stood up but stopped and pulled me into a deep kiss, when he pulled back I held on frantically.

"Please don't go," I whimpered, "please don't leave me," I looked at my Dad who was glowering at the back of Blaine's head. "Dad why does he have to go?"

"Why! Kurt… I just- I just need that kid out of my house OK?" Blaine kissed my forehead and walked out of the house calling goodbye to Finn before slamming the door, which he only did when he was distracted.

"Kurt would you like to tell me what the fuck that was about?"

"It's true Dad!" My tears had stopped and felt that bubble of anger in my chest.

"It can't be true! It's impossible! Do you think I'm stupid?"

"No I thought you would try and understand! If you think you're confused then just imagine how I'm feeling! Blaine wants to _keep_ the baby Dad! He wants us to be parents and I just don't know and now you're kicking him out?" I was standing up even though my knees where shaking slightly; my Dad stared at me in utter confusion before falling back into the sofa and dropping his head into his hands.

"Kurt I just don't understand how this happened? How is this even possible? I'm not mad you had sex with Blaine, I thought you had more respect for yourself-"

"DAD! Just because we're having sex doesn't make our relationship less valid, I love him, I do and this is just… insane and an accident and how was I supposed to know this was going to happen!" I was laughing now, kneeling in front of my father and thinking about how ridiculous this all was.

"So… You're having a baby? You're really going to become a father?"

"I don't know Dad… I just… Blaine is so excited, he's pretending like it's OK whatever I decide but he wants this so badly and how am I supposed to make my mind up when I could break his heart?" My Dad pulled me up into his lap and hugged me tightly like he used to when I was a little kid, like when I missed Mom and he couldn't hide his loneliness.

"You're the strongest person I know and you would never do something that you couldn't live with just to please someone, I wouldn't let you. You will decide this for yourself OK? You're way too young in my opinion but, Kurt can you really get rid of your child?"

"Don't, don't say that, Dad I need to… I don't know, I just don't have a fucking clue," then I left him shocked and confused to go and cry and cry and cry and think about what an awful person I was.

* * *

><p>"Oh hello Kurt who is this?" Dr. Straud asked brightly as Blaine and I walked into her office a couple weeks later for my 12 week scan.<p>

"This Blaine, the, um, father," I blushed furiously and awkwardly, who was the Dad?

"Nice to meet you, nice to see you _finally_ took my advice! Now how are you feeling?" And it was like every other appointment we had had except Blaine would ask questions and freak out when he found out something that I hadn't told him.

"God Blaine you're insufferable when you're worried you know that?" I said as we waited for the technician.

"I can't help it! I just can't believe this is happening, I'm so scared that it will be taken from us…"

"Morning! I'm Sarah, how are we all?" The tech was a tiny, tiny blonde girl who looked the same age as me, she must have been briefed because she didn't bat a fake eyelash when she looked up at Blaine and me. "Don't be nervous sillies, this is all rather exciting isn't it? I never thought I'd ever have to do this!" Blaine couldn't help but smile at the bouncing girl which made her blush and fiddle with the ultrasound machine behind her.

"_Blaine,_" I hissed and he stood next to me, "I'm scared…"

"Why? This is going to be amazing," he squeezed my shoulder tightly and the butterflies in my stomach got bigger, I'm not ready for this, I don't want to see, I don't want to see.

"Okaay, can you roll your shirt up? Good, this is going to be a bit cold but you-" She glanced at the chart, "you haven't done this before?" I shook my head. "Oh right, OK, well this going to be cold but it will be warm in not time…"

"Wait should he have had another?" Oh BLAINE.

"Normally you would have one to confirm and I thought they definitely would do that with this case, but it doesn't matter, shall we have a lookie then?" Blaine raised his eyebrows in desperation at the young girl, but all I could do was slap him and roll my eyes, he was such a drama queen.

"WHOA COLD!" I gasped and she giggled.

"I told you! Right, um lemme just move this around," she pressed the scanner into my abdomen and moved it around, "ooh! Look!"

"Wow… Kurt look," Blaine was transfixed on the screen but up until then I was looking at him, when I glanced sideways and found the image it didn't even look like anything.

"Mhmm," I made what I hoped sounded like I'm-too-overwhemled-with-emotion-because-I-can-totally-see-a-baby-in-that-mass-blur-of-pixels noise and didn't give away my utter disappointment. I was hoping today would make it real, I mean my stomach was swollen and Blaine couldn't keep his hands away from me and I couldn't do up my jeans anymore but I just felt _fat_ not pregnant.

"That's so amazing, oh Kurt this is so amazing."

"Are you crying?" Blaine wiped his eyes and my heart swelled in my chest so I could barely breathe.

"OH you guys are just _too _cute!" Sarah gushed before turning back to the screen and falling silent again, she made a string of 'hmm's','uhuh's' and 'mhm's' that were turning Blaine into a useless shaking mess beside me.

"Is everything OK?" I finally asked when I thought Blaine would break my hand if he got anymore wound up.

"Oh yes, I just have to check everything looks… normal. It does, it does, I'm just all so fascinated I guess I got a bit caught up! Do you want a picture?"

"Of course we do," Blaine said smiling insanely. I gave a weak smile and slumped back on the table, was a really such a horrible person that I couldn't be happy about this baby? It was a _miracle _and I just didn't care, no I did care, I did, I mean if I didn't I would have gotten rid of it when I found out right? The fact that I even told Blaine and Quinn and my Dad (who told Carole but we weren't telling Finn until we'd decided what we were doing for _definite_.) Meant that I cared enough about this baby to make sure it was coming into a family who were prepared, who loved it but didn't that have to include me?

* * *

><p>"What you thinking about?" Blaine asked as he drove me home, I was feeling really tired and a bit sick but at least I didn't need to pee again.<p>

"Oh nothing much, just everything…" I picked up the envelope in between us and opened it up, the picture inside wasn't any clearer to me than the actual ultrasound had been and I hoped that Blaine thought I was just as in love as he was when really I was trying to figure it out.

"Oh my God!" I'm _stupid_ how the hell did I miss that? It's massive… Oh my God it's like a real person, inside me.

"Kurt! What's wrong! Do we need to turn around!"

"No," I laughed through my tears, "no I'm great, I'm great, I can see it!"

"What are you talking about?"

"I can see the baby," I was laughing hysterically now, "oh God, I'm so dumb!"

"You couldn't see it at the hospital?" He was smiling but there was something in his smile that told me he wasn't actually happy.

"Well… no. I mean it was just a blur and everything looked the same and I don't know I just couldn't _see _it but I can now and that's all that matters right?"

"Totally," Blaine sounded frustrated but I couldn't stop laughing enough to sound serious to ask him what was wrong, "I'll see you later then."

"Are you not coming in?"

"No, I have to, um, I have to go home," he kissed me softly but pulled away before I could put my hands on him, "I love you."

"I love you too…" I walked into the house and dropped the envelope on the dining table, I was hoping I wouldn't have to show my Dad and that I could go and hide in peace but there was no luck.

"Hey Kurtie!" Carole said walking into the kitchen, "how was the scan? Got a picture for us?"

"Urh yeah here," I passed it over, "I'm gonna go and lie down, I'm feeling pretty tired."

"Oh Kurt it's beautiful! You must be so excited," she ignored my attempt to disappear and I wanted to shout at her but I knew it wasn't her fault I _should _be excited. "Kurt?"

"Carole, Blaine was so worried about _everything_ the doctor said, he cried, he's completely in love with this baby and I couldn't even _see _it at the hospital! I'm not excited, I'm happy but I just don't feel ready! I don't know if I _want _this baby but I can't break his heart, I can't make him go through that but I know I can't go through with having this baby when I can't cope with it?" Carole had been looking at me with sad eyes but they flickered to the doorway behind me and her face fell.

"Kurt?" I spun round at the voice, it shook and sounded utterly lost.

"Blaine!"


	6. Chapter 6

"Blaine! What are you- you left!" I was completely speechless, the look on his face could have killed me.

"I came back because I felt bad about being so off with you and I just wanted to explain but I guess I'm not the one that needs to explain _anything_," he was so angry and I'd never seen him like this before; I mean he was pissed when his parents said I wasn't allowed in the house but he still kept his cool.

"I'm sorry, I just…" I looked desperately at Carole who was standing as she had been half-way through making a cup of coffee and not really sure if she should continue or run for her life.

"I think you both need to sit down and _talk_, not shout, not argue, just talk. I'm leaving, I'll make sure your father stays away but I'm not sure if he's feeling better about having Blaine around at the moment." As she walked out I sank into a chair and Blaine pulled out the one opposite, his eyes were so dark, they were a deep chocolate colour with flecks of green and so beautiful but I couldn't say that; he'd kill me.

"So please, please try and explain what you just said?"

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry but I just, I'm so scared Blaine, I'm scared because I don't feel _anything_ and everyone else is so happy, they're so excited, you're completely in love and I don't even know if I want to have a kid yet but how am I supposed to tell you that? How am I supposed to know that when no one is giving me the option and it feels like when I was six and I got this tea set from Europe and it was so hard to get and it was so expensive but I didn't want the blue one so I hated it just because it was what I wanted but not quite right?"

"Did you just compare having a _baby_ to getting a child's toy?"

"No! Well yes but that's not what I meant! Blaine you're not listening to me!"

"I am but you're talking shit!"

"Well you're not talking at all, is that any better? Are you not scared? Are you not tired? Are you not pissed off at all? Have you had no concerns these past few weeks!"

"Of course I have but-"

"But what? You think that just because you don't say them makes them go away? You think that it makes it OK?" He paused and stared at me, it was hard for Blaine to admit when he wasn't doing OK, he was so used to pretending like nothing made him weak when really he was a mess. "I love you more than anything Blaine and yes I do want to have a baby with you but something is missing and I don't know what it is."

"Who else have you told about this?"

"My Dad, Carole and Quinn…" I felt like shit admitting it, I wasn't even close to Quinn so it must have been a blow for him.

"Right…" He sat brooding for a few seconds and I found myself rubbing my swollen belly, which I really hadn't found myself doing before.

"When you told me my first reaction was to get up and run, my second reaction was the one I showed you, I didn't want to go to the doctor's with you, when your Dad and Carole were talking about baby names all I wanted to do was-" He swallowed, "was tell them they were getting ahead of themselves, I cried at the ultrasound because it was _real_, because it meant that I was going to have to be a Dad." My jaw was open in shock as he confessed everything, "I'm going to be an awful father Kurt, all I know is how my Dad was and I never want my kid to feel like that…" He moved round the table to sit next to me, he placed his hands over mine on my stomach, "I love you and I love this baby but I'm scared that I'll do a crappy job or that I'll run away and leave you all by yourself, even though I do _not _plan on doing that OK?

I'm not upset that you're not decided on having this baby because truth is neither am I and I couldn't tell you that because if you wanted it then what was I supposed to do? Leave you? Make you have an abortion? I hate that this is the biggest thing that will ever happen to us and we just shut up and lied to each other!"

"So what are we going to do? You know it will be moving around soon and it will feel just so wrong to even consider it…"

"What did Quinn say?"

"That you just feel it, that you know if you can do it or not," we both sighed, I wanted to laugh at how ridiculous we were being or had been.

"Helpful for us," he laughed, "OK in two weeks we'll talk about it again. If we haven't decided then we'll make a list…"

"A list! Pros and cons of having a kid? Really?"

"You got a better idea?" I sighed and suddenly realised his hands were dipping dangerously low.

"Well obviously you have," I smiled playfully, we hadn't done anything sexual since I told him, "do you want to…" I didn't really know what we were going to do.

"I thought you'd never ask!"

* * *

><p>We ended up in the bath together, my legs around his waist and him angled so perfectly that I was a shaking mess a couple minutes later; my nails were clawing his shoulders and I'm sure they'd leave tracks. We were so loud, though only Blaine was making proper words, I couldn't even see let alone say anything to him; I completely forgot that my Dad was due home any second.<p>

"Ohh Bla-" My voice cracked and faded out.

"Mmm Kurt!" We both slumped into each other once the orgasm left us, I've never been more grateful to have sex with my boyfriend, the previous discomfort had disappeared, maybe my body was getting used to being pregnant.

"That, was, amazing." He panted into my shoulder, "we need to do this more."

"You won't want to soon, I'm so huge," I hadn't noticed until we'd undressed but I looked like a balloon, "it's horrible."

"Shut up, you're beautiful," he kissed my lips and pulled me into his chest, "I can't wait until you have a bump," my heart dropped and I think Blaine's did too.

"Pro number one."

* * *

><p>"Come on Kurt just one drink! You'll feel better!" Rachel fell into me and I had to grab her upper arms to stop her from falling to the ground. We were at Brittany's house for a mid-summer party a week after Blaine and I had had our conversation and everyone is stumbling around.<p>

"Come on Rachel leave the poor boy alone," Quinn smiled at me gently and hugged me tightly which I really knew was an excuse to feel my expanding stomach.

"You're no fun Hummel!" I could only shake my head at the brunette who tumbled away from me into the arms of my stepbrother. Around me Santana and Brittany were dancing on each other while Sam and Puck cheered them on, Tina and Mercedes were attempting and failing to mix up some elaborate cocktail which neither of them needed and Mike, Artie and Blaine were chatting animatedly.

"Here you go," Puck gave me another drink when I went to get one, "how comes you're so quiet?"

"Just don't really fancy getting completely out-of-my-mind drunk, that's all…"

"Whatever floats your boat, oh by the way keep Brittany away from your man or he might be switching teams for a night," he winked and left me to go and rescue Blaine.

"Hey!" I pulled Blaine into me and away from Brittany, "watch your hands blondie!"

"Oh Kurt you're such an adorable little otter," she slurred her eyes still running up and down Blaine's body, I noticed his shirt had been undone and his toned body was on show.

"Do I even want to know?" I asked Blaine and he shook his head too much and nearly fell over.

"Nuhuh! Oh Kurtie are you feeling OK? You look a little pale but that might just because you're p-" I slapped my hand over his mouth, we weren't telling anyone else until we'd decided what we wanted to do, "sorry Shh!" He whispered laughing, drunk Blaine was almost as intolerable as worried Blaine, "come on dance with me!" I downed the rest of my drink and let him pull me into his chest as we clumsily danced, his arms around me, I loved his hands on my stomach but I was feeling so huge at the moment and I just didn't want anyone to notice it yet.

During the third song of our dance my legs turned to jelly and the ground started to move under my feet, I held on to Blaine desperately as fear coursed through my body and I started to lose control of myself. By the end of the song (which I couldn't tell you the name of for the life of me!) I was certain something was completely wrong but everyone else was so drunk they wouldn't notice if I started to fall over, for all they knew I'd decided to have a drink or two in the last few moments. I tried to ask Blaine for help but I couldn't speak and he wouldn't have heard me anyways and a few moments later everything went black.

As soon as I woke up I ran to the bathroom and puked, and I mean _puked _like how I used to in my first weeks of pregnancy. My stomach hurt so much but it wasn't the normal pain, it was everywhere, more like cramps and- Is that blood?  
>"Blaine," I whispered but that's all I could manage, I couldn't move or call out and then the world blurred out of view.<p>

* * *

><p>"Kurt? Kurt honey, are you awake?" Carole's smooth voice brought me back into reality slowly, "oh sweetie hello!"<p>

"Hi," I croaked and winced against the bright lighting, "where am I?"

"You're in the hospital," she paused at my expression, "do you not remember anything?"

"No… I remember throwing up and- Oh my God what happened?" My held clasped my stomach and when I found the light bump I relaxed slightly, I didn't even think about what an unusual reaction that was.

"We're not sure we think you, you had a bad reaction to some drugs?"

"What drugs? I would never-" I paused and thought about the night, Puck handing me the drink and the smile on his face but that doesn't prove anything; he wouldn't? "I didn't take any drugs." Carole gave me a look that told me she didn't believe me, I guess the last conversation we had I told her I wanted to get rid of my baby without hurting Blaine's feeling. "Carole I _did not take any drugs or drink anything_, I wouldn't do that to the baby," she nodded and went to go and get the doctor.

"Oh good you're looking a lot better, how do you feel?" Dr. Straud looked like she hadn't got much sleep last night but I'm sure I didn't look any better.

"Urm fine, a bit… I don't know, I just don't feel right?"

"Well you had traces of rohypnol in your-"

"I'm sorry _what!"_

"It's OK it's a common drug used for recreation use-"

"No you don't understand I don't _do drugs_ and what about the baby?" My heart was racing and when she didn't answer straight away I wanted to cry.

"You seem fine now, there was a slight bleed but we think it was coincidental, your body just wasn't adapting to the size but you look like you're healing just fine now," she looked at me strangely and I knew what she wanted to know.

"I need Blaine," where was he? "Why isn't he here?" The two women exchanged worried glances and my stomach dropped, either he's left me or- "where's Dad? Oh God, oh God, what happened?"

"Your Dad wasn't exactly happy when we got the call from the hospital and when he arrived he kind of, for lack of better words, let Blaine have it," I stared at her while Dr. Straud pulled her chart up to her face to hide a laugh.

"You're kidding me? Is Blaine OK?"

"Yeah a bit shook up and I think Finn wants a go as well now-"

"Oh Christ, oh good God, he's never going to come over again!" I started to giggle though, I would have loved to see that, Blaine never was one for a fight and I'm pretty sure he would have shit himself trying to decide between protecting his life or his perfect manners.

"Well you can go this afternoon if your tests come back fine so I'm sure you'll, uhm, sort it out then." By tests, she meant another ultrasound, which Carole stayed for and gushed over but it wasn't the same without Blaine, it felt wrong seeing our baby without him there. I left that afternoon feeling pretty tired but alright, I had been prescribed bed rest and more calories because apparently my body needed more energy to cope with the pregnancy.

My Dad said it would do us some good to be apart and I had cried, a lot. I skyped Blaine everyday but our two weeks were nearly up and I just wanted to know what he was thinking.

"I'll see you tomorrow yeah?" Blaine said quickly before we hung up.

"Why? My Dad won't-"

"Kurt it's our deadline, you can lie to your Dad one time right?" He seemed just as on edge as I was and I knew he had made up his mind and was desperate to tell me.

"Yeah of course, I love you."

I disappeared into the bathroom for my now extended routine; Quinn had introduced me to bio oil after I started crying when my skin started to stretch and I was in love with the stuff, although it did leave you uncomfortably sticky and I had to occupy myself so I could dry off before getting into bed. When I did eventually stop wandering round the house aimlessly I curled into bed with Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince (which was my favourite, Blaine's was Goblet of Fire and it had caused many heated discussions) which was the only book that ever had a calming effect on me. I placed the book on my knees and one hand on my stomach which had become a habit I wasn't in a hurry to break; I was falling in love with the expanding bump and I could now see Blaine's hands-on-obsession. About ten minutes later I felt funny fluttering started in my stomach like nerves or bubbles or something, I wouldn't have noticed it if I wasn't so relaxed but it was definitely there and I started to panic.

_Quinn what does fluttering mean! Like bubbles? What's wrong? – K_

_Awhhh that's the baby moving!__ Exciting isn't it? :D – Q_

It was moving! I held my breath trying to make the feeling stronger but it stopped all too soon and when it did I realised that I knew the answer I would give Blaine tomorrow.

**So many alerts! Thanks guys for reading, I'm hoping to keep updating this pretty quickly like I am now so keep up! :)**


	7. Chapter 7

"How are we going to do this?" Blaine was so, so nervous when I met him in Lima Bean that afternoon, he was barely able to stay seated and kept drumming the table, a trait I had found unbearable when I was at Dalton with him.

"Um… " I dipped into my messenger bag and pulled out a notepad and two pens, I tore a sheet of paper in half and slid it and a pen towards Blaine, "we write down 'keep' or 'go', fold it up and give it to each other and then on the count of three we'll open it."

"And what if we don't agree?" I swallowed and glanced at my lap.

"Then we'll have to have another conversation won't we?" He nodded and smiled, I think he loved that I was emotionally stable right now because he couldn't make any decision further than what he wanted to wear and eat that day. We scribbled our words down, both noting how we didn't hesitate or glance at the other when we did so, _he's definite about this_, we both exchanged the pieces of papers; our hands staying connected for a few seconds longer than necessary.

"One," I said with a deep breath.

"Two," he replied no longer smiling.

"Three," we both opened the paper and there it was my matching 'keep' written in Blaine's untidy scrawl that was really the most adorable thing I've seen; tears welled in my eyes and glanced up to see him still staring at the paper.

"We're having a baby," I said trying not to squeal, he stood up and pulled me into a kiss.

"We're having a baby! Oh wow, just wow, we get to tell everyone now!" He stopped and looked at me, "why did you change your mind?"

"I-Well, in the hospital the only thing I cared about was the baby, ever since then I've always had one hand on it and then last night, I felt it move," the tears spilt over from remembering the tiny fluttering and wondered what it would be like when it was big enough for Blaine to feel as well.

"This is so awesome! You know the hospital was the turning point for me too, I felt so fucking guilty that I let anything happen to you and when your Dad made me leave, wow, I just realised I can't live without you. Not knowing if you guys were OK was driving me insane, it's my job to protect you and I always will," we kissed again and started to make plans to tell everyone.

* * *

><p>It was <em>boiling<em> this summer and being in late June already I knew it was just going to get hotter but I was also getting bigger, I had a bump, I mean there it was, anyone could have told I was pregnant (I mean if they knew guys could get pregnant that is.) Nearly nothing fit me because everything I owned was super skinny or a size too small to start with and I was getting frustrated, I wouldn't buy new pants so Blaine had to get them for me but we couldn't keep doing this, what was I going to wear in a month? Or two or three? We were on the sofa today watching Disney movies, Blaine had convinced me to roll up my top and he was running his fingers over the bulge absentmindedly. We were supposed to be alone which was the only reason I would ever let myself be exposed like that, I mean it was just embarrassing, especially in front of my Dad, it was awkward enough having a pregnant son without seeing the bump!

"Urgh Kurt what's wrong with your stomach?"

"FINN!" I jumped up dragging my top down as I went, "what are you doing home?"

"Rachel and I got in a fight, something about not putting the spoon back in the jar?" I gagged internally while Blaine stifled a laugh, he and Finn shared a rather blasé and disgusting attitude to food. "So what's wrong? You look like Quinn did before I found out she was pregnant-" His face fell, "oh my God I'm not saying you're fat I just meant that you look a bit large, no not large! I mean big! I mean-"

"It's OK Finn I understand," I sighed and glanced at Blaine who just nodded, "this is going to sound really weird but urm, I'm pregnant."

"That's not possible? Right?" He looked at us in hopeless fear.

"Not normally no," Blaine said cheerfully, "Kurt's a bit special in that department."

"Oh good," he was staring at my belly and it was making me uncomfortable, "so you're having the baby? I mean that's like a lot of responsibility and stuff?"

"Wow look at you being all mature!" I didn't mean to sound condescending but Finn brought it out in me, "and yes it will be but we've talked about it a lot and well, we can't go through with getting rid of it."

"Not that we want to," Blaine interjected pointedly.

"Yeah exactly, so please can you just keep it quiet until we tell everyone?"

"Urm… I don't know I mean…"

"Quinn knows so if you _really_ can't help yourself talk to her OK?"

"OK but… what is everyone going to say? Like I'm cool with it but still you know, creeped out and slightly scared," he smiled helplessly and I couldn't be mad at him for being honest.

"Maybe you could help us then?"

* * *

><p>"Do we have to do this?" Blaine asked as we walked into the restaurant; I'd been craving Indian food so we'd decided two birds one stone.<p>

"Yes! Now stop being such a girl! Everything will be fine," I had gained my acting skills back now my emotions weren't in such a fantastic confusion so Blaine calmed slightly when he saw that I was dealing with this. "How about we tell them at the end?" The idea was good enough until dinner, we had to sit and chat about _anything else_ without mentioning the pregnancy, which was harder than I thought it would be. Finn looked like he was in physical pain when Tina asked what was new with us but I kicked him swiftly and Blaine fell into some story about his sister getting him work experience in a film studio in New York. That should have been interesting but at 15 weeks I was feeling more and more bubbles and it was getting impossible to concentrate.

"We don't normally have coffee?" Rachel asked suspiciously despite the fact that she along with everyone else had ordered something.

"Well that's because we don't normally have something important to discuss," Blaine added coolly, he was back to his usual Dalton self now that we'd all had such a good time. Everyone looked up at us and I couldn't help but blush; Finn and Quinn both sighed with relief.

"Can't think what it could be?" The blonde girl laughed into her phone.

"Wait does she know? How does she know?"

"Mercedes just give us a second and we'll explain!" I grabbed Blaine's hand when I realised that we had to explain this…

"Just spit it out already," Santana snapped, "why are gays so overdramatic?"

"I don't know but it would explain you," Puck quipped back and the tanned girl stabbed him with her fork.

"OK, OK just stop impaling people! This is kind of hard to tell you guys but um just please-"

"Kurt's pregnant." Blaine had completely cut me up and no one was ready for it, the silence was horrendous but I couldn't break it I could only look at my lap and wait for someone to speak.

"Well I'm OK with it, I've known since New York," Quinn stated calmly.

"I've known like a week but still, it's kind of exciting right?" Finn smiled goofily.

"Everyone is unique I guess," Rachel piped up, "it's not my place to judge and anyway it means your spot is totally mine, I mean you don't want to strain yourself do you!" I rolled my eyes at her but I was just so happy that they were OK with it.

"I totally knew," we all stared at Brittany who just shrugged, "dolphins always have babies… Oh and you're jeans are like 3 sizes bigger than they used to be, I can size people on sight."

"Brit you can't say that to him!" Quinn snapped.

"Oh shut up Barbie, he's a _dude _and he's pregnant, normal protocol is not in play right now is it?" Santana jumped to Brit's side with her usual scathing attitude.

"Why not? If he was a girl we would have been teasing him since he first started throwing up!" Artie smiled, "I'm happy for you guys, I just don't know how we missed it?"

"Because none of us were looking for it!" Sam joined in.

"Fair enough but they're our friends what are we supposed to do abandon them?" Mercedes said to her new boyfriend but there was something in her voice and the way she looked at me that told me she felt guilty. Everyone was arguing, the majority said they were supporting us, only Santana and Sam voiced their true feelings.

"Just shut up for a second!" Blaine shouted with his hands up, "this wasn't meant to cause an argument, we just needed to tell you because we're keeping it and we can't hide it-"

"Wait is that why Kurt was in the hospital?" Puck asked with worried eyes, "oh my God I'm so sorry, I didn't even think…"

"It's OK Puck, just don't drug my boyfriend again?"

"You know they're lying to you!" Santana exclaimed suddenly looking upset, "why aren't any of you saying that you think this is strange?" Everyone was silent, "you're all cowards, I'm leaving." Everyone started to go after Santana except for Finn and Rachel who were coming back to my house so they couldn't really leave.

"That was dramatic," Blaine laughed, "school is going to be epic right?"

"You're not going to be there?" I frowned.

"Well actually I was thinking about you know, transferring?" Blaine smiled pathetically and I couldn't speak, was he serious?

"No you're not."

"Whoa that's blunt?"

"That's because you're not transferring, no way am I letting you swap Dalton for McKinley!" Blaine looked like he wanted to argue but he just picked up my keys and dropped the last of the bill on the table.

"Let's continue this at home alright?"

"Good idea, and you know what I'm expecting to be made godmother since I'm standing by your side in such a trial of diversity and hardship," Rachel didn't shut up until we got home where Finn shut her up by making out with her.

"Blaine you're not transferring!" I started up again as soon as we got into my room, "I will not let you! I mean what will your parents say! You'll have to tell them why you're doing it and there's no way in hell you'll be able to go home after school and you just haven't though this through!"

"Kurt I don't care! I just want to be with you and the baby as much as possible! I mean this is going to be rough the further along you get and I couldn't forgive myself if I wasn't there and something happened!"

"No. Just no, I can do this by myself! You need Dalton Blaine, you're an Ivy League student and you won't get that shot if you come to McKinley!"

"It's one year! It might even help to show them I went to a normal school!" I slammed the bathroom door to get ready for bed but got distracted by my bump and thinking about what Santana said, was she right? Was everyone lying about their feelings? Blaine knocked softly and came in to find me crying and hugging myself, he snaked his arms around me and sung softly in my ear but I didn't really know what song it was just that his voice was magical.

"You know soon enough I won't be able to fuck you?" I don't actually know where that came from and neither did Blaine because he was shaking with laughter behind me. "I'm serious! Look at this, this stupid bump is going to get in the way!"  
>"Hmm…" he kissed my neck, "are you suggesting something then?"<p>

I hadn't had Blaine like this in months, we usually fell into him on top not because he didn't like being on the bottom but you have routine right? As I held onto his hips and eased in I remembered just how good this felt, he was so tight and the sounds he made were impossibly sexy. I don't know how managed to growl but I'm glad he could; he would dig his nails into my forearms and his legs wrapped around me and growl.

"Why don't we do that all the time?" He sighed once we had finished and collapsed on the bed.

"Because you're going to be sore in the morning and it takes you weeks to get over it," I was too tired to be kind to him.

"That's not fair! I'm sensitive..."

"Yeah you're a real china doll," I rolled my eyes, "what are you doing?" Blaine was pressing hard on my stomach in random spots and holding very, very still.

"Um… trying to feel the baby, why what are you doing?"

"You can't feel it, I can barely feel it!" He pouted and continued his useless mission, "hey, are you going to tell your parents?"

"No."

"You have to, you can't lie to them once the baby is here," I didn't want to tell his homophobic parents either but we had to, it would be impossible to lie.

"We could try?" I glared at him, "fine, I will, after I tell my friends at Dalton and I know I have somewhere to be when I get kicked out OK?"

"You can always come here if they do?"

"Your Dad will kill me in the morning for just sleeping over, I don't think so, not that I don't want to just… The same way you don't want me to transfer I don't want to invade in your house." "Urgh fine! But this isn't over Anderson, you better be in your sexy uniform come September," he laughed and I snuggled into his chest and fell asleep quickly; the bubbles in my stomach were stronger than ever almost like the baby wanted Blaine to feel it.

**So I wanted it to be harder for them to this and maybe some people won't come round to it at all :O **


	8. Chapter 8

Blaine was on holiday for the last two weeks of summer and I missed him desperately and so did the baby, it was moving around like crazy but Blaine still couldn't feel it and I was worried. I had seen Dr. Straud way too much, she kept saying everything was fine but I didn't feel fine, I felt tired and occasional cramps would wake me up in the night. I knew the pregnancy would be hard because my body wasn't used to it but I had done so well up 'til now; it was three days until Blaine came home, I'm sure I was just feeling anxious about school or something trivial that he could sort out by just being here.

"Hey bud you look a little pale? Have you been drinking enough? Taking your vitamins?" My Dad was all over me when I arose for breakfast early enough to catch him before work.

"I'm fine Dad, just you know, five months pregnant," I didn't mean to be so snappish with him but I was in a bad mood, I had a headache and my knees felt weak.

"Right well if you feel like there's anything wrong don't hesitate to call me or Carole or hell get your brother to drive you up to the doc's 'kay?" I kissed him goodbye and quickly placed an apple in his hand.

"I have to look after you too remember!" He disappeared with a roll of his eyes and I was left in the silent house. I tidied up to give myself something to do and settled down to get some of my summer work done but I couldn't concentrate for more than a few minutes at a time and half an hour later I was pacing the living room. My back hurt and my head ache was getting worse but it was the kind of head ache that was caused by something else, maybe it was the discomfort in my stomach; it was tight and pain kept shooting through it. I stumbled into the corner of the table despite the fact I had known to move out of the way and my knees gave out, this was wrong, this was so wrong.

"FINN!" I shouted and it looked like Rachel's hard-ass treatment worked because he appeared a few seconds later looking panicked in his pajamas, wow I'd woken him up!

"Are you OK?" His bed hair was ridiculously cute but this really wasn't the time to be thinking that!

"Nuhuh I think I need to get to the hospital, can you drive?" He pulled me up and carried me to the car, he messed with the radio nervously but I couldn't even shout at him for it. All I could think about was the pain that was slowly getting stronger and stronger, my head was swimming so I couldn't use my phone to call anyone and I thought I would throw up every time the car bumped over the road.

"Hey! My brother, he's, I don't know, where's Dr. Straud?" Finn called in the A&E, I was curled into his chest unable to open my eyes through the pain.

I whimpered when I felt the warmth of his chest leave me and a cool bed under my back, I could hear people talking hurriedly and Finn asking too many questions and I just wanted to tell him to shut up and let them do their job but he was asking all the questions I wanted to know.  
>"What's happening? Where are you taking him? Why does he look so pale? Can you make the pain stop? Can I come in too? That's not right is it?"<p>

"Kurt, can you hear me? Can you speak to me?" Dr. Straud's voice was slightly panicked but why wouldn't it be? I just nodded and groaned, my vocal chords were seized up waiting to making a scream that just wouldn't come. "Where the hell is that ultrasound machine! Mag him! Come on people! Finn please can you move, go call your parents why don't you?" I didn't want Finn to leave but I knew that he was probably bumbling round in the way of everyone and getting confused and scared.

"What's, going, on?" I managed to croak out when I felt the probe on my stomach, the cool gel wasn't shocking it was nice, I was burning up.  
>"Um we're not sure, just breathe, just-" She paused and used her hand to feel my stomach, "shit," she hissed quietly, "OR STAT!"<p>

"Did you just say OR? Doesn't that mean-" But I passed out before I could finish the sentence.

* * *

><p>It was dark when I woke up, the heart monitor sounded loudly through the room and it was accompanied by another sound, a smaller, faster heartbeat. I turned to examine the machines and found the heartbeats being recorded side by side, the small one was irregular and sometimes stopped and when it did my heartbeat would raise desperately until the small one was OK again. Next to me I felt a weight and looked over to see a dark haired head slumped onto the bed, their hand around mine; Blaine wasn't supposed to be here for three days? I couldn't sleep, mostly because I was too hot and dizzy so I just listened to our baby's heartbeat and watched Blaine's steady breaths. I didn't feel any pain but I wasn't complaining, what did worry me were the soft bandages wrapped around my stomach under the horrible hospital gown I was dressed in. I pulled the gown off (which was frankly just <em>too <em>fucking hot) and thanked whoever was smart enough to put boxers on me (probably Blaine, he knows how much I hate being exposed) and examined the white material. There was no blood and they weren't wrapped round me tightly so I slowly began to unravel them, which was nearly impossible with one hand still in Blaine's clasp, but once I untied them right they fell off and I gasped. There was an angry red line of stitches vertically down my enlarged stomach; I wanted to look away and cry but at the same time I couldn't move my eyes, what happened?

"Kurt? Are you awake?" Blaine's jolted upright with a sharp intake, his groggy eyes not even open when he posed the question but when they did flicker open they went straight to the line. "Shit baby, you weren't supposed to take the bandages off!" Sleep disappeared from him in an instant and he was holding my face softly.

"I don't understand? I don't understand what I did wrong?" I could just about whimper; I noticed that my eyes weren't focussing properly either, I was just falling apart right now.

"You didn't do anything wrong, you did great, just there were complications…" His eyes were so sad but his voice was smooth, I would have thought Blaine would fall apart if something happened and here he was comforting me. "There was a bleed, uhm," his voice hitched slightly, "around her heart and-"

"_Her?_" My heart flickered happily.

"Yeah, I hope you're not mad but I just had to know, I was so afraid that she wouldn't be OK and when she was I just had to ask," he stroked my hair smoothly and my heart swelled up; a baby girl!

"I can't be mad at you, not ever, you're so amazing and I-" Tears started streaming down my face, "I'm so useless! I nearly killed her!"

"No, you couldn't have stopped this. It was just an awful incident, she's developing a bit slowly and they didn't think it would be an issue but her heart isn't very strong at the moment. You need to keep your cool OK? No getting too stressed or excited or whatever," he looked so serious, I felt like he was telling me off even though I knew that he wasn't. "I'll go get a nurse to check on you, just relax, you're going to feel like absolute hell because of what they gave you," he kissed me and there was something that made it desperate, like he hadn't been expecting to kiss me again for a long time.

"Blaine wait!" He spun round swiftly and leant on the doorframe, oh my God this is not the time to be turned on! "What about me?" It sounded so childish and stupid but he understood what I meant, he couldn't hide his fear from me, he walked back over and took my hand.

"I honestly thought you weren't going to make it and I'm so sorry Kurt, I'm sorry I doubted you but I just couldn't help but be afraid…" I wiped his tears away but they just came faster and faster; he didn't end up getting a nurse because one heard us and came to investigate the noise.

* * *

><p>"Dad! I'm going to school and that's the end of it!" I was shouting at my Dad for what felt like the millionth time; we were getting ready to leave and he was still trying to get Dr. Straud to agree with him making me stay at home.<p>

"No! I can't have you going there and something happening, you're too weak at the moment, right doc?"

"Umm… Well technically there's no reason why Kurt shouldn't be allowed back but I mean, you have a point, it would be a lot safer for you to stay home," she looked highly uncomfortable at this point.

"HA! See!" I couldn't stand to be here one more second, I was just so happy that I wasn't burning up but too uncoordinated to get up and cool myself down anymore; being helpless was something that Kurt Hummel did _not _do.

"Don't worry Mr. Hummel I'll be there for him, you don't have to-" Blaine said cheerfully, he was just as excited to get me out of here, we had had enough of hospitals but I turned on him at this.

"WHAT! BLAINE YOU DID NOT TRANSFER PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE KIDDING RIGHT NOW?" I don't know why this made me so angry but I just didn't want Blaine at my school, I didn't want him to experience everything at McKinley because he deserved so much more than to ever have to face the idiots there.

"Calm down before you have an aneurism or something!" He was the only one who could laugh at that joke, "look Kurt I'm just doing it for a term OK? It's part of my… experience… you know for teaching…"

"You're awful, fine! But in January I want you back in that uniform," I nuzzled into his ear and whispered, "I don't know what I'd do if I never saw you wearing it again."

"Kurt, we can't have sex until after she's born and that's going to be hard enough without you being filthy," he was blushing and I couldn't help but giggle.

"I think it would be healthy for Kurt to get back into everyday routine, this boy has gone stir-crazy just being here for two weeks!"

"Thank you Melissa," I said sweetly hugging her, we had gotten pretty close and she admitted I was one of her favourite patients which is why she didn't switch off the case when I first found out I was pregnant even though there are more confident doctors.

"Take care of yourself, I'll see you in a week for your check up and then after that I want you to be the size of a house when you come back!"

* * *

><p>"That bitch," I hissed as I tried on the sixth outfit on the morning of our first day back at school, "she said I wouldn't get this huge!"<p>

"You're not huge, you're beautiful and I'm sorry you don't fit into your clothes but if you could right now…"

"Oh please don't talk like, I don't think I can handle your emotional spirals right now!" I pulled on yet another oversized jumper, which just emphasised how massive I was underneath, "fuck! I can't hide it, I don't have anything that isn't complimentary to my figure and I can't believe I'm complaining about this!" I blinked back tears as Blaine sat on the bed not really knowing what to say, he had said it would be better for me if we kept it quiet, "Blaine why can't I just not hide?"

"I don't want anyone to hurt you, no one will understand when they see you and it will make you a flashing target!" He was waving his hands about as he explained his reasons when I felt something, the bubbles had gotten bigger and bigger and now I grabbed his hand and placed it on the bump. The ranting boy fell silent immediately.

"How can you say no to your daughter?" I pouted but he wasn't really listening, he had two hands on me now and she was moving more and more, obviously excited at her Daddy's touch. "I think you've got Daddy wrapped round your tiny finger don't you sweetie? Thank God you understand fashion baby girl!" I ended up in an oversized jumper because I wasn't quite as enthusiastic about the tight-top-with-baby-bump look as some celebrities seemed to be, it was all so exposing!

"Hey! Urgh it's so good to see you feelin' OK!" Mercedes nearly jumped on me when she saw me until Blaine put his arm forwards just in time,

"I just, I just don't know what I would have done if we lost you and you thought that I wasn't happy about this baby."

"'Cedes I know, you just needed time that's all! As long as you're happy now so am I." The rest of the day went like that, the only people who still weren't as cool with it as I would have hoped were Santana and Sam and I couldn't think why; neither of them would talk to Blaine or me properly.

The teachers had all been informed and it was pretty awkward because they all wanted to see the bump but they didn't know how to outright ask, instead they all gushed over how amazing Blaine was. Blaine had the best first day, he was hit on by every single female on campus and talked to by every guy, he was a magnet for social occasion. Until he, Rachel and I got slushied just before lunch; though Karofsky was suspiciously missing from the ambushing gang.

"Where is he?" I asked Finn when we all sat down to eat.

"Who? Dave? I dunno, he di'nt c'me ba'ck yet," God how could that boy even attempt to speak with his mouth so full?

"Hmm…"

"What's wrong?" Blaine asked panicked.

"Nothing I just, it just puts me on edge not seeing him around; it's like he's planning something…" I sipped my drink knowing I sounded crazy but I couldn't help it, my emotions were fried and everyone was staring and whispering and something bad had to happen soon.

**Thank you gottriplets for your advice on the mag :)**

**where's Dave? hmm... Just realised how well this fits because Max Adler wasn't there for the first day of filming so he's not in episode one :O I'm magical. **

**Glee Project winner tomorrow and Glee in less than a month!**


	9. Chapter 9

**So I just want to say I'm sorry for this chapter and I hope you don't all hate me by the end of it...**

_I got a pocket, got a pocket full of sunshine,_

_I got a love and I know that it's all mine!_

Blaine singing was one of my favourite things to hear and thankfully he had been doing it a lot lately, especially to our little girl who squirmed excitedly at the sound of his voice (not so great at night.) She was still small but pretty feisty so everyone could feel her when she wanted to be felt but she got tired quickly and often she would only move enough for me to feel. She loved Glee club but when she was most active I always needed to pee badly so one day in late September I disappeared out halfway through one of our meetings.

"Well hello, long time no see," Dave's voice sounded through the empty bathroom like a shot, "what the fuck happened? It's true?"

"Yes I'm pregnant, get over it, now can you just leave me alone?" I tried to go in the stall but he moved himself into my way.

"That's just a bit fucking weird isn't it homo?"

"I think it's fucking weird you insult me by insulting yourself," my hand went to stomach when she abruptly stopped moving as I started to get agitated.

"Don't say that!" He pushed me back slightly, "you don't have a clue Hummel! Who said I was… like you? Huh?"

"Oh come on Dave! You're a senior in high school you need to start admitting the truth to yourself soon enough, you're just upset I get to be who I am while you're stuck hiding in the closet like a little kid," I pushed past him into the stall because I was bursting now. Surprisingly he didn't stop me, or bother me while I peed or when I washed my hands after, he just stood their silently watching me.

"It's not fair, you get to dance around here with your faggy boyfriend and your freak baby and no one cares, you get treated like a princess and I don't get it!" He punched the wall with a grunt.

"I don't _dance around_, I hold my head up high and I don't let others dictate who I am, I want to be happy and so do you. Your sexuality doesn't define you, it's just a tiny part of you." I sighed and went against every single instinct I had and stepped towards him. "I feel so bad for you Dave, I know what it's like to feel like you're completely alone and you can't be yourself but people will surprise you, I'm sure your friends will be there for you if they're your real friends," he glanced at the floor and for a second I thought he was going to cry. I went to put a hand on his massive shoulders but instead found myself pressed up against the wall, his lips on mine, his hand on my stomach, pressing down too hard and my baby girl wiggling against the sudden pressure. I couldn't push him off despite my best efforts and when he stepped back he looked at me guiltily before rushing off and leaving me in shock.

I couldn't decide if I was in pain or not, I just felt like I couldn't breath and everything was still squished up inside of me; why did he do that? How could he do that to me? My knees gave way and I sunk to the cold tiles and the cramps started again but inbetween the pain I could feel her moving, it was jolty and panicked, I wasn't sure what to do but I knew I couldn't move so I just waited. I was always waiting to be saved.

"Jesus Christ he's heavy," I heard Puck say as I was lifted from the ground, I think I fell asleep on the floor but for some reason I didn't care anymore, there was a constant pain, what was it?

"Dude he's like 120, that's nothing!" I wanted to laugh at Finn, I had gained so much weight lately, how could he have not noticed?

"Can you please take this seriously! Kurt?" Blaine, beautiful, worrisome Blaine, "Kurtie are you awake?"

"Yuhuh," my voice was low and croaky, "I'm here!"

"Good, what happened to you baby?"

"Umm…" Shit what happened? Umm… "I can't… Oh yeah! Karofsky, he-" I couldn't tell Blaine he kissed me! I started to sob, "oh Blaine I'm so sorry, he kissed me, I couldn't stop him kissing me! I tried! I'm so sorry!" I was gasping for breath against the sobs now but I felt like I was forgetting something, mustn't be important.

"He's hysterical," I glanced over at Mr. Schue who was on the phone and looked really pale, Miss. Pilsbury was next to him and I wondered if they were getting it on again.

"Blaine what's going on?"

"We're taking you to the hospital baby, don't be scared," he hushed me and I nodded, everyone was acting so weird it was making me nervous. I was put in an ambulance and Blaine climbed in to hold my hand, they gave me a shot and it made my heart stop hammering and the searing pain in my large stomach fade away. I drifted off the edge of consciousness when I felt a hard kick inside me and suddenly remembered what I had forgotten, Karofsky pushing on me, my daughter struggling, the cramps but I was already knocked out by the pain killers so I couldn't explain to anyone.

* * *

><p>I woke up with a start to a sunrise lit room and Blaine under me, his chest rising and falling in time with mine, one hand on my stomach and the on my back, both drawing slow circles.<p>

"Have you slept?" I asked softly but he jumped anyways.

"No, I couldn't, I mean how could I?" I sighed into him, I didn't even want to ask this time; I didn't feel ill like I did before and I'm guessing they didn't give me that evil shit again but that meant it was different. "Did you think of a name for her?" His voice was flat and shaky and it scared me, he had been so strong through everything else, I couldn't deal with him falling apart too.

"I always wanted Elizabeth for my mom," I said stroking his exposed forearm, "I liked Marie or Julia…"

"No way Julia," he should have laughed but he didn't, "Elizabeth is good, we can't forget that amazing lady can we?"

"Never…"

"Maria, it's a family name of course but Marie works too, it's cute," why was he talking like this? "I love Jade," then he just started crying, big, gasping sobs into my hair.

"Hey! Hey! I struggled upwards despite my body's protests, "shh, what's gotten into you?"

"I wish I could have been there, I shouldn't have let you out of my sight, I just feel so guilty because now, now this is all my fault," he fell back into more sobs and I rocked him gently, my heart was pounding nervously but I had to hold him together right now.

"It will be fine; I'm fine! Come on please don't do this, nothing is your fault, no one knew he was going to do that but it's over now-"

"No Kurt you don't understand, it _is _over, that's the horrible thing. I didn't want to tell you, I've been thinking about it for two days now and there's no way I can make it come out better because it's, oh God, it's just horrible," he was hiccoughing violently and his hair was crazy and I would have laughed if I had been able to.

"Blaine don't," he blinked his dark eyes sadly, "I don't want to hear it, _everything is going to be fine."  
><em>

"She's not going to make it Kurt," he swallowed and found a new strength as I lost mine, "and they have to take her today and I just wish you hadn't woken up and then you wouldn't have to know this," he was whispering so gently I could barely hear him.

"You agreed to this?"

"I had to, there's no other option," I climbed off him and tried to crawl away but the heart monitor on my chest pulled back and I just couldn't take that flat line, not now, not ever, not again.

_"Hey Kurtsy come here," I bounded into my Mom's open arms from the table where I was colouring in the corner of her hospital room, "oh you're getting so big!"  
><em>

_"Don't be silly, I'm tiny compared to the other boys," I pouted, she laughed softly but stopped and grimaced, "Mommy?"  
><em>

_"Don't worry sweetie, I'm just feeling a bit tired," she smiled brightly that I couldn't help but reply. I didn't even notice my Mom didn't have hair or eyelashes anymore, she was still utterly beautiful with her blue-grey eyes that matched mine and her perfect cheekbones that I was always told I had.  
><em>

_"Mommy you're tired a lot, I think you need to go to bed early," I frowned and hoped that I could make her laugh because that's all that I could do. I hated being so young, I didn't understand because no one would tell me anything.  
><em>

_"I think you're right missy," she tickled me and I squealed loudly; when she ran out of breath then we fell into each other and just laid in the silence, the only thing sounding was the steady heart monitor that used to annoy me. "You know you're going to be such an amazing man one day Kurt, your Dad is so lucky he has a little guy like you around to look after him because we all know he can burn cereal if someone's not around." She giggled and sighed, "you know I love you Kurt, more than anything and I, I just hope you forgive me," tears rolled down her face and I clumsily pushed them away.  
><em>

_"Mommy you don't need to be forgiven, you're the best Mom in the whole world and I love you," I hugged her tightly, I would never have known what she was talking about that day. It was just a few hours and a lot of shouting later that I was curled up in my Mom's side, she was so pale and could barely open her eyes but she was like that before and she ended up fine.  
><em>

_"Oh Lizzy," my Dad was holding onto her hand and crying which was weird because he usually pretended he wasn't when I was around, "I have no idea what I'm doing without you."  
><em>

_"Burt shut up, Kurt will look after you, right buddy?" I beamed up at my parents and they both laughed softly.  
><em>

_"I'll never forget you, I'll never stop loving you," he was whispering now, "just help me along the way please? You know he's…"  
><em>

_"Twinkly?" I frowned at them, "I know but he's our son and that just makes him even more special," I was tired so I didn't really know what they were talking about and I didn't really care either.  
><em>

_"I know, I'm just scared, I mean, there's so much more to ask you, so much more you know that I don't and what if I don't learn it? What if I screw up and-"  
><em>

_"Shhh," I felt her lean forward and heard them kiss, "you're the best father ever and everyone is scared, it's not easy but I promise I'll be there to guide you, always." We all sat in silence again, just us three and I wish it could have stayed like this forever; my Mom with her beautiful hair and my Dad pretending like he wasn't tearing up – Just this happy family. "Burt, give this to him OK? When the time is right, when he needs it…"  
><em>

_"Elizabeth are you sure? You're strong enough to fight some more," their voices were wavering in and out because I was falling asleep despite my best efforts; my Mom's smell always made me sleepy.  
>"I don't know, it just feels like it; I'm not afraid anymore, I just wish I didn't have to leave you," her chest shuddered under me. "I love you Kurtie, forever and ever." Flat line.<em>

Flat line. Everything was in slow motion, I had pulled the monitor off and everyone had rushed in but I backed away into the wall; it was just too much and I wanted to disappear. Dr. Straud was talking to me but I couldn't hear her words, Blaine was crying but I couldn't look at him, my Dad, Carole, Finn, they were all there but nothing was helping. I felt someone grab my arm and a pain shoot through it, I collapsed into some strong arms and a peaceful feeling spread through me. That peaceful feeling didn't last long because when I stirred I knew immediately what was wrong, I was empty and that emptiness would never go away. I wrapped my arms around myself and didn't dare open my eyes, no one was near me, there was no warmth or weight near me and it was sad and relieving at the same time. I'm not sure how long it was before I heard Blaine singing but when I did my heart flickered and I had to move towards him, I couldn't be alone for another second.

_Take me away, a secret place,_

_A sweet escape, take me away._

_Take me away to better days,_

_Take me away, a hiding place._

_There's a place that I go that nobody knows,_

_Where the rivers flow and I call it home,_

_And there's no more lies in the darkness there's light,_

_And nobody cries, there's only butterflies._

"Blaine?" He was sitting next to an incubator with machines and tubes coming out of it, he glanced up and smiled, something that couldn't have been easy.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" He sounded like he'd been crying for a long time and his throat was raw, "you're not supposed to be up yet."

"Oh… is that," my eyes were transfixed on the strange crib, "is that her?"

"Yeah, she's still here… It's amazing," I looked at him hopefully but he still looked sad, "they said not to get our hopes up."

"Can we hold her?" My body was not going anywhere, I didn't even want to try and sit up at the moment but I would do anything to get near her.

"Are you sure you're feeling right?"

"Blaine, I wouldn't care if my brain was leaking out of my ear, I'm holding her," my head spun even though I hadn't tried to sit up.

"I'll go get someone just in case," as he left the room I realised I wasn't sure if I wanted to see her, she'd be so tiny, not much more than 1lb, I'd break her and-

"How are you feeling?" Dr. Straud walked in with that awful smile, "everything feeling normal?"

"Apart from the fact that my baby isn't inside me, yes, yes everything feels great," I snapped, my hands were itching to go to my bump but I knew that there was no point anymore.

"Stupid question I understand, so you want to hold her? You need to be able to sit up though," she looked at me like she highly doubted that I'd be able to do anything apart from lie here so, with Blaine's help I pulled myself into a low sitting position.

"I'm scared," I whispered to Blaine as she walked across the room to collect the girl, "this makes it so real…"

"She's beautiful you know," he whispered back, "she looks like your Mom," he said that and my fear turned into nerves and I tingled excitedly.

"Ready?" I stuck out my arms and the tiniest bundle of white blankets was placed in my arms, "she's very fragile, if there was anything we could do she would be on every machine possible… Her heart just won't, just isn't strong enough," why was she still talking? I didn't need to hear this; all I needed was to stare at this baby.

"You're beautiful, your Daddy was right, you look just like your grandma," it was strange, she was so tiny and pink but yet there was something so Elizabeth about her, "she's going to look after you, she looks after me too, I know she does… You have to promise not to forget about us because we'll never forget you; this was the best six months of my life and-" My body broke, I couldn't do it anymore and Blaine swept the bundle out of my arms before I slumped in a ball and I started to bawl. "We. Can't. Call. Her. Eliza, beth," I gasped between sobs, "I, can't…"

"Shhh, I understand, I understand," when my body stopped shaking I looked up and Blaine was staring at her, his eyes were dancing, they were full of gold, green and hazel and I just couldn't stop looking. "What is your name then baby girl? Jade? Marie? Isabella?"

"Holly," I said it and she wiggled in his arms; Blaine and I exchanged a smile, he nudged me and I moved over so he could fit.

"I'll leave you for a couple minutes, call if you need me," the red head woman disappeared with a few clicks of her heels.

"How did you think of Holly?"

"It just felt right… She looks like a Holly," Blaine shifted her so we shared the blanket.

"Holly… Cerina, with a C, it was my grandmother's name and she taught me piano," I sighed softly.

"Are you sure? She's never going to-" I stopped, I couldn't say it.

"But she still taught us something, she's taught us what it's like to be parents, she's taught us how much love we have, she's taught us what we can get through together… She's taught me just how much I love you," when I looked up Blaine caught me in a kiss, his stubble prickled my face but it was so real and comforting that the world was still spinning.

"Holly Cerina Anderson-Hummel you are the most loved little girl I've ever met and we'll never leave this part of our lives behind, it's sad and beautiful at the same time…"

"I hope you appreciated your crazy Dads and you knew just how much of a miracle you are-" He stopped as she shook slightly, "Dr-"

"No, just, just let this be us?" He nodded and we curled into each other, holding Holly into our chests tightly.

"Are you sure you're OK?"

"Yeah… I'm just thinking about my Mom and, how I nearly missed her and I nearly missed Holly and I'm just so lucky," I sniffed but the tears dripped over anyway.

"No, don't think of it like that, you didn't miss it, you were there for them and they'll never forget that," he pulled us both in closer. I wanted to speak but there wasn't anything left to say, it was just us; this happy little family.

**I cried writing this...**

**Apparently Cerina is Darren's Mum's name (yes I'm a massive stalker.)**

**Apparently Blaine is supposed to be a year older than Kurt (according to a quote from Ryan) but Kurt is a senior in season 3 and Blaine is still at school with him? Either Blaine needed to study more (we all know he loved to interrupt Kurt's study sessions) or wikipedia is lying and wikipedia never lies :O**

**I'm babbling because I feel bad, I think there's going to be just one more chapter after this.**

**Oh lyrics: Pocket Full of Sunshine - Natasha Beddingfield.**


	10. Chapter 10

"You don't have to sing," I whispered to Blaine as he took a deep breath, the Warblers were assembled behind him in their black suits and sombre expressions.

"Yes I do, she loved when I sung to her," he squeezed my hand tightly to say that this wasn't as easy as he was making it seem; he stood in front of everyone and their watery eyes turned to him. "Holly loved music, she loved when Kurt and I sung and I know this is too hard for him but I want to do this for her…"

_Make it a sweet, sweet goodbye -_

_It could be for the last time and it's not right._

_"Don't let yourself get in over your head," he said._

_Alone and far from home I'll find you..._

He paused and glanced up at me, I had never heard him sing this before.

_Dead - Like a candle you burned out;_

_Spill the wax over the spaces left in place of angry words._

_Scream - To be heard, like you needed any more attention;_

_Throw the bottle, break the door, and disappear._

_Sing me to sleep,_

_I'll see you in my dreams_

_Waiting to say, "I miss you. I'm so sorry."_

_Forever's never seemed so long;_

_As when you're not around it's like a piece of me is missing._

_I could have learned so much from you,_

_But what's left now?_

_Don't you realize you showed this family a world of pain?_

_Can't you see there could have been a happy ending & we let go?_

He was so caught up in the song, everyone could see the pain, everyone could see the tears on his face but we were also mesmerized by the power. He had been a rock the week with everything, yes he cried, yes he shook when people asked about him about her but he still went home and told his parents, he still told all his friends and he didn't fall to pieces like I had.

_Sing me to sleep, I'll see you in my dreams, waiting to say, "I miss you. I'm so sorry."_

_(Sing me to sleep,_

_Sing me to sleep,_

_Sing me to sleep,_

_Sing me to sleep..._

_Sing me to sleep,)_

_I'll see you in my dreams_

_Waiting to say, "I miss you. I'm so sorry."_

_Sing me to sleep (You've taken so much with you...)_

_I'll see you in my dreams, (But left the worst with me...),_

_Waiting to say, "I miss you. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."_

It was raining finely when Blaine finished and my Dad said that everyone could go back to ours if they wanted while Blaine and I took a moment. Holly was buried next to my Mom with a white marble slab, I thought it was just too weird having a headstone that was bigger than the- you know.

"Hey," Santana made me jump slightly as she appeared at my side; she stood silently staring at the stone with us for a few moments before speaking again. "I'm sorry I was so unsupportive, it wasn't my place to judge you guys…" Blaine glanced at me quizzically not knowing where this was going. "I just didn't believe it you know? I just didn't believe that you guys were perfect for each other, I mean little miss uniform over there doesn't even know how to take the subway and the ghost of musicals past here, urgh, just don't get me started." She flashed us a playful smile, God this girl was truly beautiful, even when she was crying. "I've seen so many people have kids when they're still kids because they think that they'll cope, that they're 'in love' and it will be perfect forever and ever and she's barely pushed the fucker out when he skips in bed with another girl. I care about you Kurt, I know I don't show it but you have a bright future y tienes tanto amor," she wiped the flurry of tears with her manicured hand and sighed. "I'm gay," I almost missed it and I wanted her to say it again but this was not the moment. Blaine left my side and went to hers in a flash, I took her hand we hugged tightly.

"You love Brit don't you?" I internally applauded myself for knowing that something was definitely going on with these two girls, she nodded into my shoulder and my heart sunk slightly.

"You're so beautiful Santana, it doesn't matter what you are, someone will love you and your friends will always be there for you, you can't think that we wouldn't accept you?"

"Urgh! I don't wanna talk about, you guys are such queens!" She giggled and hugged us again, then we heard someone approach us, "I'll see you back at your place and… I'm sorry again." She left as my Dad came up to us and glanced down at the two graves, the pain in his eyes nearly made sick.

"You guys can take however much time you need, I just wanted to say that…" He was holding a honey coloured envelope, "I just wanted to give you this; it's from your Mom, she said to give it to you when the time was right… When you needed her most…" He coughed awkwardly and thumbed away some tears as he handed it over, we hugged tightly and he did the same with Blaine, which was a first in front of me. "I'll get going, don't get too down on yourselves OK?"

"What is that?" Blaine asked as my Dad hurried away through the heaving rain.

"I don't know… I think I remember… The night my Mom died, I was too tired to notice what she was saying but this must be it right?" My Mom's cursive writing said my name on the front of the envelope, I carefully peeled it open; my Dad hadn't even tried to open it, the seal was in perfect tact. I began to read out loud:

_Dear Kurt,  
>When you read this I doubt your Dad will have explained anything, he never really was one with words – He told me I smelt like his grandmother on our first date and then spilt a drink over me, can you believe I married him? He's a good man and a perfect father and I hope you see that, I hope that you never grow up and grow away from him because you are his whole world. Make sure he doesn't get lonely, make sure he keeps himself going, he'll make excuses but it's because he's afraid and he needn't be.<em>

_Oh Kurt you're so young and I feel so guilty for leaving you behind to face the world by yourself, yes you have Dad but I know it will be hard for you. You probably know by now what I meant when I used to tell your father you were different, I hope you found peace with yourself and that you have beautiful people around you who love you. No man will ever be good enough for you baby boy, I don't care how much his eyes smoulder or how warm you feel when he holds you or how he gives you butterflies. I don't doubt you will find true love, I don't doubt that you will break some poor boy's heart and I hope you never grow out of your perfect naivety when it comes to the way that you steal hearts. I can only hope that you learnt to judge others with compassion and a stern eye, a broken heart is a pain I wish I could keep you from forever but I know that you won't give yourself away. I know that you will respect yourself even when you feel like you shouldn't. Keep singing. Keep smiling. Keep being Kurt._

_I hope you don't miss me too much because I miss you more than the world and I know we'll never truly be apart but it's so hard to think that I'll miss so much. That you'll wish I was there, that you'll be so angry at me for leaving you behind and sorry just doesn't seem like enough, I'll send you a sign. I'll guide you through the darkest parts I promise, I can't stop the rain and for that I'll forever be sorry. When you read this I hope that you see that pain isn't something to fear, that it makes you stronger and you shouldn't be afraid to takes the risks that could be the best thing you've ever done._

_I love you Kurtsy, I loved you since the moment I knew about you and I will love you until the end of time. You're a star._

_Mommy._

Then rain started to pour down harder and harder but neither of us could move; the rain was refreshing like it was reminding us that every storm has to pass. Suddenly the sky flashed and thunder clapped loudly overhead, Blaine jumped into me but I loved it.

"Thunderstorms were my Mom's favourite," I smiled into Blaine's head, "this is her sign," but he didn't reply, he just fiddled with his pockets for a few seconds.

"Well I can't ignore Mrs. Hummel…" He fell to his knees in front of me and produced a black box; inside I saw a glint of silver and diamonds.

"Kurt we've been through, hopefully, the worst and one of the best things in our lives and we're still standing. We're still here, together, breathing and loving each other more and more… Kurt Elizabeth, in front of your Mom I'm giving you my heart and only asking for your hand in marriage." I fell to my knees as well, my legs just stopped working but he caught me and swept me into a kiss, my hands ran through the unruly curls that he had let grow out over the summer and the weight that had been in my chest started to lift.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry but I love you so much and I promise I'll make it up to you everyday for the rest of our lives," I was babbling now and Blaine just laughed.

"Shut up! You're so ruining the moment!" Our foreheads rested against each other, "this is going to be hard and there are going to be days when it feels like we just want to give up but then we're going to be there for each other and so is your Mom."

We stood up and I started to become aware of how soaked we were; we blew a kiss down to Holly, I read the slab for the billionth time but the dates made me physically hurt, she only had _one_day with us, and Mom before turning away so we didn't end up get pneumonia or something. When we jumped into the car I admired the glittering ring and my hand went automatically to my stomach, which was still lightly bulged but that might have been just me, I knew the difference from before. The hot air blasted my frozen face and I shrugged off my wet clothes and Blaine did the same, we glanced at each other with big eyes and wondered; but it was too soon to have sex. I smiled, it was comforting to think about everyday things like that, I felt normal, I felt like I was going to be OK; my thoughts went to the wedding and…

"We can try again," Blaine glanced at me in surprise, "I mean not soon… Just… I want to."

"I want to too, maybe we should get high school out of the way first?" I laughed and tears sprouted forward, I didn't want to go back to school and act like a 17 year old again, it didn't feel right but I held onto my mother's letter and Blaine's hand and my heart started to calm again.

"It's going to be OK."

**The end.**

**Lyrics: Lullabies - All Time Low. Amazing song about Alex's (the singer) brother and it's so beautiful. rip T.E.G.**

**I hope you're all crying :) I am going to do a sequel so check out of that (I'll post the name once it's up but author alert when you review *hint hint*) **

**Thanks for reading.**


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